I Love You, Let’s Break Up

Not all good thing things come to an end.  It would be great if all bad things did, but it not so.  Even with a bad relationship, it’s hard to walk away.  All those memories of good times and feelings make you wish there was a way for you to stay. It’s especially after you say “I think we should break,” and they calmly accept it, that you feel awful. As if a part of you was hoping that he would try to convince you to stay. But he doesn’t, you end things and you move into the mourning phase. Self reflection makes you wonder about the reasons of why you were sure that you can’t be together anymore even though you love him. That’s when I think back on how they say sometimes love isn’t enough. I even wrote on it a few times. I didn’t understand it before even as I watched the movie “Disappearing Acts,” and still couldn’t understand why they couldn’t be together when they obviously love each other.
That’s when I think of my own situation. It takes a strong person to know what they can endure.  I know how I feel about the man I love. It’s there, it’s real, and I will probably always love him. But I even ask myself, why did it have to end anyway? I know myself and after recent events, I know that the life I wanted for us can not be anymore, at least not with the person I am presently.  This is not saying that he couldn’t become the ideal husband for me in the future, doing all the things necessary to keep me happy. It’s because of me.  There have been too many bad examples of relationships in my life.  And the one thing I wanted for myself since childhood was a marriage completely different from my parents.  Their example has made it nearly impossible for me not to make our relationship bad if we continued.

I can forgive, but there is no such thing as forgetting. The forget part just means it’s no longer a part of your thoughts and it doesn’t effect the decisions you make regarding your loved one.  The most detrimental thing to a relationship is cheating. In the bible, adultery is the only reason God gives for putting your spouse aside. It doesn’t say that you have to, but if you were going to get a divorce, cheating is the only acceptable reason. I often thought about why cheating would be the only acceptable reason, why not domestic violence, or failing to provide, etc.  I understand now why those other reasons shouldn’t matter. If those signs of a person not being good for you didn’t deter you from saying “I do,” why should it matter after?  But cheating is another thing. Everyone tempted daily to do the wrong things, some are  just better than others at fighting off temptation. But there is a backlash to betrayal, trust is broken.  Not everyone is capable of trusting again once betrayed.

It’s not a good or bad thing, it just is. It’s as Mr. Darcy said in Jane Austen’s “Pride & Prejudice,” “My good opinion once lost is lost forever.” Darcy was very straight forward in knowing that it doesn’t matter about the virtue and vices of others, seeing as everyone has them both. He was only concerned with the fact that the person did something to lose his good opinion. In life it’s not just one thing, but the sum of things that makes you leave a certain person alone. It doesn’t mean that you hate them or think about their faults when they are not in your presence, it just means you don’t allow them to be around you. It’s like a lasting impression, one that you can’t remove from your thoughts when you have to face them.

Imagine you are a person like Mr. Darcy, but add in the love you have for a person. They have lost your trust, but you love them.  Considering the way you feel about them, you try to make it work. But your trust is broken and as the person you are now it can’t be fixed. So now you find yourself, looking on in suspicion on everything that person does, and the people of the opposite sex that surrounds them.  Wanting to control that persons life from that point on. Control who are their friends, control how they spend their daily time. That’s tiring for both you and your partner. It’s not the life of happiness that you envisioned for yourself. So why tire yourself out trying to make this broken relationship work, when you can just move on? Even if you may love that person until death, you need to know yourself when you make decisions. Of course that doesn’t mean that you may not end up together.  There may be a need for maturation on both sides of the relationship, a maturity that must happen without each other.  And even if leaving is not the right decision for the situation, God has a way of fixing things and restoring something that we thought was pass redemption.  So don’t be afraid to make a choice, even if it’s the hard one. Just pray, and let go. That is all.