Does “No Take Backs” apply to Breakups?

You were in a relationship. Things were good, and gifts were given. Both from one to the other in love. I have always heard that when an engaged couple breaks up, there are certain regulations on how gifts are returned. I have always been told that if the woman breaks it off she has to return the ring, but if the man breaks it off then the woman gets to keep the ring. But what if the woman calls it off because the man was cheating? He was the wrong doer, so why should she return the ring? What if she got him an expensive gift? Is she right to ask for the return of gifts given in love? What would you do in the situation?

The scenario is a girl that loves her boyfriend gets him a tablet for his birthday.  Then shortly thereafter, she learns that he has been unfaithful.  Of course one of the first things in her head is, “Damn, I wish I knew this before I spent all my money on that gift.” So now she is thinking about all she has given during the course of the relationship, of course her monetary gifts are not comparable to his, but she was faithful and felt those were deserved.  Now the tablet has become the physical symbol of all her effort towards her relationship and while she may not be able to get her wasted emotions back, she can ask for the tablet back. Speaking to a male friend, he says she should ask for the tablet back. She feels that since it was a gift she doesn’t have a right to ask for it back. But he says, “Yes, you do. It was a gift to a faithful lover. You’re not just getting tired of him and breaking up, he has betrayed you! It’s only right for you to get it back.”  Of course just because you ask doesn’t mean the person will return the gift to you.

I think of it as a lesson in love. All lessons learned are taught at a price. Some are just more expensive.  Let’s just assume that if she had stayed with her cheating boyfriend and he continued to cause her heartache, what would the price have been then?  There are other people that learn their lessons much later after tragic circumstances like getting pregnant or catching an STD.  When thinking like this, a mere $500 is nothing.  How much would you pay to be rid of a person that is bad for your life? I think its perfectly understandable to ask for a gift back after a betrayal has been revealed, but don’t get caught up on the gift. The point is to move on and count it as tuition. Lesson learned and move on.