Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Texting to Sexting, Is it a healthy relationship builder?

Chatting with my best friend over the phone about each others new love interests a few weeks ago, she told me that the only form of communication between her and the guy is through texting and that they never talk on the phone. When I heard this, alarms started going off in my head. I asked why texting was their only form of communication, but she just couldn't give me a definitive reason that didn't ring my alarms even louder.

I then went on to tell her that I didn't think it was a good idea to let texting be their only means of communicating because it seems suspicious. I don't consider men who only text me as potential Boyfriends, because I can do so many different things while texting. I could be on a date. I could be hanging out at another guy's house. Besides, I like to know I have their undivided attention when starting a conversation and hearing their voices and their surroundings go a long way for my peace of mind. I then told her that if she really likes this young man she needs to stop texting him and get him on the phone. And I let it go.

But this past sunday, I was over a friend house when her roomate and a make friend that she was letting wash at their place walked in. During friendly chatting, I decided to ask the guy about it. I asked why is texting their only means of communicating. The guy said what I thought but was too afraid to say to my friend. He said they probably only text because one of them is not that interested, most likely the guy. Because if the guy was that interested, he would want to talk.

That got me thinking about all the guys who have tried to pursue in the past. I have to admit that with us being in college and often with different cell phone providers, texting through the day was the cheapest because its free, and waiting until our night/weekend minutes kicked in to talk, but we did talk on the phone. Even the guy who holds my current interest talks to me on the phone more than we text. It was odd because we ended up talking for hours during the day for about a week when he wasn't scheduled for work as much, and it surprised me but pleased me a lot. I even asked him if we were using up all his minutes because we were averaging about five hours each day of daytime minutes. When he told me he added me to his circle because enjoyed talking to me too much, you wouldn't believe how pleased I was. But once again not everyone has that luxury.

Maybe I am old fashion, but I think texting is impersonal. However texting can give a sense of false intimacy, so I steer clear of texting my way to relationships. But what about you? Do you think texting or IM can build strong healthy relationships? How many relationships have you had where texting was your main way of communication when you weren't around that person?

Monday, August 3, 2009

The Disappearing Act

Talking to my friend last night about relationships, we ended up talking about the disappearing acts that some men pull. Everyone knows how it starts. You meet a guy, you talk to the guy, you start dating the guy, you talk to the guy constantly, you feel as if you are on the train and the next stop is committed bliss. Then out of no where without any warning the guy disappears. You call, he doesn't answer and you try to wait patiently for as return call, but then a full day goes by and still no call. You guess that maybe today was a particularly busy day for him so you're worried about the none communication, but not panicked yet. But then another 24 hours has gone by and still nothing. Now the jitters have settled in and your mind starts playing back the last conversation, the last encounter, trying to think of every possible reason for this disappearing act.

When he finally does call back, whenever it is he offers you some lame excuse about why he has been out of touch. I have seen some girl take the bait, and I have even once or twice before. Now if we let a person know how interested we are in them and what their disappearance makes us think, why do we continue to let it happen? Are we just so desperate that we will take whatever treatment they give us.

Even recently for me, there was a guy I liked but he did a disappearing act that lasted for a whole month. When he finally got back to me, the excuse he gave was phone troubles and then he had to deal with family issues. I don't want to be the one to say people aren't allowed to handle their problems and grief in their own way. Even I have in the past receded from the society of others when problems started to clutter my life, but being in a growing relationship it seemed like the train that had departed for love has been derailed.

So how does one find the energy to try to start again? should you just let it go or give them a second chance?