Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Gay Marriages???

In today's society, there has been a a lot of hubbubs about gay marriages. Gay couples are protesting and doing demonstrations at courthouses. Miss California loosing her crown for stating her beliefs. The government is putting bans on it in some states. Others refuse to come to any kind of stand. Well, I have one stand for you guys, I don't think its up to the government.

Marriage is an institution created by God, to exist between a man and a woman. So considering that marriage is considered a religious ceremony that is supposed to take place before the eyes of God, government shouldn't have a say. And for those who live an alternative lifestyle and want to get legally shackled to another person, that's another thing, but it should not be called marriage. In my opinion, this is the perfect time for the government to exercise the Separation of church and state. Man's law should never super cede God's Law.

So, it should also be understood, that you shouldn't expect churches to go against their spiritual beliefs in order to not seem bigoted. I have no problem with gay couples getting legally bound together, just call it something else. Gay couples don't want their rights to be infringed upon, so they shouldn't try to infringe upon other rights to their beliefs. Not everyone who is against gay marriage is a bigot, they should really keep that in mind.

So what do you guys think of the whole gay marriage issue? How do you think, this should be resolved? (This is not for gay bashing) Please give well thought out alternative solutions.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Husband stands by his Desperate Housewife

I am not much of a watcher of "Desperate Housewives," (it's a good show, but since I am a young single black female living in the city, I can't relate to the married 40 something women living in suburbia antics), needless to say I found myself watching an episode this past weekend. In this episode, due to her husband's injury, Lynette was working in his stead at their restaurant. There was a man named Rick working to help out and a flirtation began between the two. I am not sure what lead Lynette to feel so trapped by her suburban life but she takes her time each night to come home to Tom and the kids. Well, when Lynette and Rick get locked into the freezer while being robbed, her husband becomes aware of the flirtation between them, when the police were going through the security cam showing Rick and Lynette eating dinner before the robbers came in. Now there could have been many ways for Tom to have handled this situation, but he handled it the way I feel that a real man would. He kindly invited Rick out to lunch.

At lunch, Tom didn't beat around the bush but got straight to the point, asking if Rick was sleeping with his wife. When Rick denies infidelity, he tells Rick to quit. Of course Rick tells Tom, that if Tom wants to get rid of him, then Tom will have to fire him. Tom promptly replies that he wasn't going to fall for that ploy so Rick can run to Lynette and make it seem like he was the overly jealous husband. Tom then says that he knows that Lynette and he are going through a rough patch but then Rick comes along and now they have the perfect storm. It is what Tom says next that has him permanently endeared to me.

Tom says in the most serious, almost threatening voice, "Let me tell you now, Lynette will never leave her family. The best you can hope for is to catch her in a moment of weakness and leave a wound in our marriage that will take years to heal. But it will heal, because I am going to stand by her and love her as much as she hates herself for what has she done." With this said Rick says that it is time for him to go, and gets up and leave. Later that night, Rick tells Lynette of Tom's suspicions. Lynette gets emotional saying that she enjoyed these evenings with him, cause it allowed her to feel sexy again, but she never intended it to go any further. But now that was all over, so Rick would have to leave.

If you haven't guessed already why I love Tom yet, let me make it plain. Tom is every woman's dream, he is understanding, loving, strong, and he navigated a murky situation that would have left most people lost. He could have approached his wife, but he knew how it would make her feel. Tom understood that approaching his wife would have added more cracks into their already healing family. Tom also knew that his wife loved him, but that she was able to feel desirable again with this man. Tom took it to the man who was trying to encroach onto his territory.

It is very admirable of a man that knows how to handle a situation. What do most women think of this? Doesn't this just make you gush?

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Gold Diggers

Everyone knows Kanye West's song "Gold Digger,
"Now I ain't sayin she's a gold digger
But she ain't messin' with no broke nigga"

Now is seems to me that in the Black community in America, black men have a habit of calling black women "Gold Diggers" if they don't want to deal with a broke man. I often wonder why well to do black men look at their sisters as "gold diggers," and marry white women (who could just as easily want them for their money) but see the white women as having standards. STOP

Now are you telling me, its cool for me to deal with you as long as you have nothing, but as soon as you get something I'm a "gold digger" and you're going to date a white woman. STOP

I am not white so I don't know if white men call their women "gold diggers" the way black men do, but if they do, I wonder where do they differentiate between having STANDARDS and plain gold digging. It also seems like more white men are trained to take care of their women and families. STOP

But once again, black men say they don't want a "Gold Digger," but they go out and buy all these things to perpetuate a certain lifestyle. Flaunt any financial stability they have and say "you can't want me for my finances or anything you think I can buy," then turn around and say "look at all these things I can buy you if you were my woman." Now isn't that a contradicting hot mess? PLEASE STOP

Now I have been told by many real men, that any man that won't take care of his wife and family is not man. It should be a matter of pride to be able to provide for any woman that you will make your wife. I personally think that black women have low standards when its to men. Every relationship is based off of give and take, but if you have nothing, it only makes sense for you to get nothing. If you won't deal with a woman that doesn't have anything, why should women deal with you when you have nothing to offer?

So tell black ladies tell me your observation of dating black men, please understand this is not a men bashing thing; just keep it real. Do you think that our standards are low or do we just end up settling for less? Men, what's really going through your head about women seeking financial stability? Do you really think of it as gold diggin' ? Please illuminate...

Spare My Feelings Lies

Last year around this time I thought I was going to start a full blown romance with one of my male friends. But when it came time to make things serious, he says that he doesn't want to risk my friendship, because I was the only one he could talk to about certain things. Upon hearing this, I accepted it without argument, even knowing that our friendship would be strained because I had formed a deeper affection for him than "just friends." Besides the school year was over and I was going home for the summer, and who wants to jumpstart a romance long distance.

The summer ends and it's back to school for me. I had moved out of the college apartments that we both stayed in, but I made an effort to see him. Now the problem starts, before the summer we only talked about our attraction to each other, but on these few occasions that I saw him, he was trying to instigate intimacies, that would definitely cross the friend line. So I put my foot down, if he wanted stay friends then there were some privileges that he is not allowed. So I decided that I should stop making all the effort for us to be friends, if he wanted to see me he would do so. Well guess what? He never tried to see me, and he never called to talk to me. Which as you remember was the reason he did not want to risk our friendship. So of course I was pissed about all this. But in time, I dealt with the pain as much as I could and moved on.

So a few weeks ago he graduated and I went to his graduation knowing that this would be the last time I saw him. It was later that night while holding a conversation about the situation with my older sister, that a new perspective was revealed. You see after the year that passed it still didn't make sense to me, the whole don't risk our friendship line. But fortunately my younger brother who was there at the time was able to shed light on it.

My brother said "wow, I can't believe you even accepted that as a reason in the first place. Men are not afraid to risk friendship or anything for that matter for something they want. Do you actually think you're his only friend that he can talk to? He was just saying no but trying to spare your feelings. He probably just hit a snag." All of this insight into the male psyche comes from my 19 yr old brother.

Now both my sister and I are shocked at the obvious truth to his simple statement, but it sure felt like ripping the band-aid off a still healing wound to me. The reason for that, is because even though he said he didn't want to risk our friendship, I still felt like we would still end up together, and so I was still harboring feelings for him. From my brother's statement, it made it feel like he stopped liking me months ago, but while his white lie allowed him to move on, I was stuck romanticizing it all for months after. I don't know about you but from now on I will have my male friends interpret what men say to me, so I won't be taking their "spare me lies" at face value.

How many of you have been told one thing by a man, but later find out that in "man code" it means something completely different? How did it make you feel about the situation, that person and yourself? And men, why do you feel the need to tell these little white lies to women? What's so hard about saying what you mean and meaning what you say when said to women?

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

A Man's Potential...

I read somewhere that women often jump into a relationship, or pursue a man based on his potential. His potential to be "THE ONE". Often times, when we even get together in our girl talk groups and we talk about whatever guy we are currently seeing, one most likely will say that, "He is a good man and he has great POTENTIAL, if he would just get his act together." It's a good thing for those that can see a person's potential, but how much should it influence your opinion on a whether he is relationship worthy? When we sit down and think of want we want in a man, do we really diminish the importance of the qualities we find important in a man based on his potential?

Personally I feel as a women it is foolish to pursue a man until his potential is fulfilled. You can see his potential, but don't let that stop you from seeing who he is now. I know somebody's momma told them to "Never count their chickens before the egg hatches", this is a wise saying to apply to men and relationships, because while you are building your dreams of a future with him on his POTENTIAL, what happens if he never reaches it? What happens if his potential is never fulfilled?... Too much? Well let's try another example.

You want your relationship to be healthy, prosperous, and good for you, right? Then look at a man for how good he is for you. If you think of a men as fruit, you wouldn't want him until he was ripe, because you know if picked too soon, it won't taste right and it would have little nourishment to offer you. Therefore you know that an unripe fruit is useless and no good for you. That's how a relationship based on a man's potential would be, NO GOOD FOR YOU.

I know some women might think, "I can help him REALIZE HIS POTENTIAL," as if they can mold this man into the man of their DREAMS. That's a BIG MISTAKE. The very most important reason why is, while you're focusing on him and his potential, what happens to yours? Where are your dreams for yourself, your career, for the wonderful woman of GOD that you dream of yourself becoming someday? A woman that exemplifies everything you think a woman should in today's society?

Unknowingly you have laid your potential aside, saying that it's more important to have a man with POTENTIAL than it is to fulfill your own. As if some ARCHAIC natural instinct inside us, tells us that as women all we need is a Man to survive. And secondly, what if you help this man to fulfill his potential, he exemplifies everything you want in a man, and he realizes that HE DOESN'T WANT YOU or that he has OUTGROWN you? Because while you were NURTURING him and helping him grow, you have remained STAGNANT, because you have not grown yourself. So ladies, I encourage you to remain strong, and not build your castles in the sky based on a man's potential. I won't tell you to wait for him to fulfill his potential. I say live your life. Focus on you. And though you may see a man's potential, if you take a look at him for as is now and you find him lacking, then don't pursue a relationship with him. If you want to wait then that's your choice. But remember unless he reaches his potential and it's fulfilled, a man's potential will remain just that.... A Man's Potential.