Recently, I have been over loading on romance novels and Asian Dramas. It has got me thinking about how I want my love story to be. I have always been a hopeless romantic, but at the same time I never really thought the things that I read in books or see in movies is reality. Where would I find a man that would answer to the passion in my soul, while also helping to heal the scars on it? Where would I find the guy that is so willing to share himself? Every time I go see a romantic movie and the guy professes his love, I often thought about how the man I would marry would confess his to me.
The truth is my ideal confession changes. I see things that changes my mind almost daily. The one thing I know is that words simply aren't enough. I have a lifetime filled with empty words. People saying the things a person wants to hear without thinking about the ramifications for that person when they realize those words were just empty. But that's just the tip of the iceberg.
I don't know about every one else, I don't mind my love story having bumps in the road, but i am a person that has no tolerance for disappointment. Not saying that all disappointment is weighed the same, but there must be moderation. I can't see myself with someone that is not careful about my feelings. A person that is fine with disappointing is not worthy of me. I am not perfect, but I know I deserve better than a life filled with disappointments in love.
After finding a man that is going to fight for the things that I am afraid to even admit that I want out loud. A man that will have my best interests at heart, he will search for the right method to profess his love, and he won't make me wait years of my youth to get it either. And this is where I get to the heart of the mystery. As a romantic woman, and a creative person by nature, I often think about that one moment. The moment when my life has turned into my very own love story. So for reader's I will write the fantasy had once held really close to my heart.
Lena had been sitting in the same spot for the past 12 days, alternating between deathly calmness and overwhelming sadness. Her mind was trying to convince her heart that it was really over. Trying to stop her heartache with reason. This was for the best. Yes, the pain was almost unbearable. The only consolation she had was the knowledge that it was better to end it now rather then wait for him to finally realize he didn't want her after wasting years of her life. It was better to accept the writing on the wall. He was never going to give her what she wanted so why wait any longer? But it hurts.
Lena didn't want to think of which hurt worst, the betrayal or being strung along. She knew. She wish she didn't, but she knew. And so the hours since she had dredged the strength to finally end this charade, passed in this way. She was done with all pretense. Too bad that strength of knowing did nothing to stop the ache in her chest. Lena decided it was about time to take her daily shower, no matter how depressed she is, she would never sit in filth. Besides, the shower can help to mask how tears she has cried. She always thought she had cried out her last tear only to be proven wrong.
Lena emerged from the shower refreshed, to hear the incessant knocking at her door. Lena wasn't expecting anyone to drop by, so she silently crept up to the door to look through the peephole. What she saw beyond the door made her heart slam into her chest and do back flips all at once. Lena covered her mouth to keep from making a sound as she quickly backed away from the door. The pause in the knocking caused her to look back through the peephole only to see that he was still there. The sound of Lena's cell phone ringing almost made her scream, but she quickly crossed to living room to stop the sound.
Dan's voice travels through the door, "Lena, I can hear you. I know you're there. Please open the door." Lena doesn't move. "I'm not going anywhere until I see you." Dan says much to Lena's disbelief. Lena had years of Dan's unwillingness to do anything she wanted if it inconvenienced him or would injure his pride. Waiting outside a door with her neighbors walking by was an inconvenience and a blow to his pride. He would eventually tire of waiting and leave.
Time seem to inch by but hours had passed, even though he had stopped knocking and stopped calling, Lena knew he was still there. The voices of her neighbor speaking to him as they passed her door kept her aware of his presence. The sun was setting, but Dan showed no sign of leaving. Lena sat on the floor next to the door with her head resting on her knees.
"I wish there were words I could say to fix this. Words that could make you trust me again. Words that would show my sincerity. But I had the entire drive here and 12 days before then to think about it. I have already given too many words. You had years of my words and actions not lining up. I was just fortunate you didn't decide to leave me sooner...So I won't give you any more excuses as to why I let you down, and why I didn't treasure you. I just want the chance to show you. I don't want to go another day with you in one city and me in another 5 hours away."
Lena raised her head off her knees. Her heart starting to beat wildly out of control almost to the point of bursting. Dan's voice continued to travel through the door. "I want to show you that I am ready and I can't do that 5 hours away. So even though it doesn't make sense to completely up heave my life, it just feels right. There was nothing there for me anyway, and if I am going to have a regular job, I can get one closer to you. It doesn't matter where I am, I just know I need to be there with you. Please say I haven't lost my chance with you."
Lena had stood up from her position on the floor. Tears blinding her and her knuckle in between her teeth to stop her from crying out. It was Dan's soft barely perceptible "please" drifting through the door that had Lena slowly open her front door. Dan stood out of the door, looking at Lena in her robe.
"I need you in my life. And with God's help, I will be a man worthy of you. I'm so sorry that I made you feel like the top of the list. There is no list. There's only you, the only one." At this, Lena rushed into Dan arms with tears overflowing as he crushed her to his chest. And this time, when he said "I love you," Lena's heart rejoiced because she knew those words to be true.