This was a group project for my film production I class. I was so proud of the turn out that I want everyone to see it. The original music was Duke Ellington’s “In a sentimental Mood” performed by John Coltrane, but youtube wouldn’t let me keep the audio. So I used my favorite song from Evanescence. Enjoy!!!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Almost everyone does it it. Right as they are trying to figure what club they are going to bring the new year in at, who they are going to kiss at the stroke of midnight and that perfect party outfit. They ponder what their goals for the new year will be. They decide what they accomplished in the previous year wasn't enough, that they can do better. Or they see that they didn't accomplish their previous goal and they set the same goal again. Almost everyone has a new year resolution. Even I have a new year resolution but it doesn't start at the same time as everyone else does.
My new year resolution starts on my birthday. After all, its another year God has granted me life. I still come up with a new year's eve resolution but that is usually about weight loss or financial goals. However, right as the clock is ticking down to the hour that brings me to a new age, 24 instead of 23, I begin to think of my personal growth. I think of the decisions I made while being 23, decisions I don't want to make as 24. I think of who I want to be and I start to pinpoint on all character patterns I have that don't fit into the person I want to be. Procrastination, depression, unmotivated, doubt, fear, etc. I think of everything that I can start to ground out to continue my metamorphose into the person I want to be. I write my goals down. Each a positive, negative reflections only cause backsliding. So I phrase it carefully. I say things like "I want to be more confident in myself" or "I want to be more motivated." That way I focus on the good. After all even the bible says to focus on good. "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." Philippians 4:8
So as I start my 24th year, I will keep positive things in mind. That also means getting rid of a few people that are stagnant. There are people in everyone's life that need to be pruned. They are like weeds, stinting your personal growth. Tripping you up every time you try to ascend to a new level. Most of them aren't your friends, just people that put on the face of friendship because you are useful to them for the moment. But there is a select few that are truly your friends, but for their own personal reason, they aren't ready or unwilling to go through the change you want to initiate in your life with you. They like the way they live their life, and although they understand the reason for you wanting the change they don't see a need to change themselves.
That's where changing habits become difficult. The friends that still live their life the way you don't want to live yours anymore becomes a problem. You are too new in the lifestyle you want to live to be able to be around them and not backslide. Most people don't see a need to remove people from their lives when they start to change, but when the frustration of not progressing the way they want sets in and they really think about it, they start to see that they must part from their friends. You look back at the road that you traveled together, seeing every obstacle the two of you overcame together; The good times. You look forward seeing the fork in the road, and your friend has already started down the path you don't want to take without any hesitation. A part of you wants to chase after them and drag them back to take to same road as you, but instinctively you know this is a one way journey. So you take the road you must, feeling the loneliness because you don't know if the road ahead will reunite you with your friend, perhaps giving you a second chance to travel the same road together. But you trudge along, seemingly alone because its what you must do. Keeping in mind Proverbs 1:15-16, "My son, walk not thou in the way with them; refrain thy foot from their path: 16For their feet run to evil, and make haste to shed blood."
How many pivotal moments have their been in your life where you see the need to end friendships because following your friends would take you places where you don't want to go? Were you strong enough to say by to your friends or did you find yourself following after them, because you didn't want to walk alone?
Saturday, September 19, 2009
"Can we be friends?" It's possibly the most popular line for break ups, when the person saying it no longer wants you, but they are selfish so they want to keep you on the shelf in case they don't find something better. But today while talking to my sister, another way that line is used was brought to mind. I was talking to my sister and for whatever reasons we drifted down memory lane of how a man in our past used us and now wanted to be friends with us. To tell the story would be very short, it was a while back. I liked a boy, I thought he liked me. I was a cut buddy but thought it was going towards more. But then he says he isn't ready for a relationship. He goes home for the summer and comes back to school in a relationship that fall with a girl that attends the same university as us. I proceed to cut off all contact, which was kind of hard since we were in a constitutionally bounded Sorority and fraternity. So every fraternity event I went to, the chances of running into him were high. But I managed.
But I guess me snubbing him in person, and deleting him from all contact lists (Facebook, Myspace, Tagged, Yim) wasn't enough. Time goes by, I move on. I log onto FB one day to see a friend request from him. I denied it without a second thought and went on with my day. Some time after that I receive an email from him on FB, asking me if I was still mad at him, apologizing and asking if we could be friends. I was a little pissed at how his tone in the email made it seem like I was being childish for not wanting to be his friend after he used me. I really couldn't believe the conceit. Like I was still going to bed at night sticking pins into a voodoo doll with his hair glued to the top. I just wanted to laugh. I didn't want to reply, but I had to set the record straight. I calmly let him know that I could never see him as my friend, because if he was "my friend" he wouldn't have used me in the first place. And that I forgave him a long time ago and that he would have to deal with his own guilt of how he treats his "friends" but unfortunately he had burnt that bridge with me.
My sister and I laughed at the gall of how he could expect me to be his friend after he used me. I admit I was silly and naive; and I laugh at myself for my folly of even dealing with him in the first place. But I have learned my lesson and moved on. However it still baffles me on how anyone can expect a person to let you be in any part of their life after you have used them. After they have already shown an uncaring for how you feel. It's like, let me treat you anyway I want, then get over it and continue to give me what I want. How selfish.
I know its a common thing. There's a ripple effect. A person with no honor, having less than honorable intentions let a naive person think that they will give them what they want, at least until that person with no honor gets what they want. It's the actions like these that makes every person after them pay. Men not trusting women, because their girl cheated. Women not trusting men, because they were used by someone they like. So neither person ever knows if the person that holds their interest is genuine or just pretending. And its so hard to tell the counterfeit from the real thing sometimes. So we play games, and test each other to try and find out if this person is real or if we on our way to getting played. It makes us meaner, jaded. And sometimes we push the real thing away in the process. So how can a person expect me to want to be their friend after they have caused the ripple effect. I am not saying that I punish every guy for his deeds, but it has made me more caution. Only a fool would keep doing the same thing expecting different results and my mother didn't raise a fool.
So what about you? Would you be friends with a person who used you, even if you forgave them? How would you handle a situation like this?
This made me think of a Music Video by Gnarls Barkley that I like a lot. It's called "Who's Gonna Save My Soul Now." My situation was not like the one in the video but I can under the sentiment. Enjoy
I admit it, I have a insane love of dressing well. My mom raised my sister and I with the motto of "always leave the house looking like someone loves you". So even now its hard for me to leave my house without looking presentable. When I started attending an HBCU and once I was old enough to get into the club (19 to enter in AL), my sister and I started a new motto for ourselves, "There's nothing wrong with being the best dressed woman in the room." So as you can guess, my sense of style became more grandiose. But in a recent conversation with a male teacher it was brought to my attention that to men it makes them perceive us as shallow, and inferior. Obviously a woman who likes to look well must have nothing but hot air between their ears.
He even went on to say, that the way some females dress is the reason why women and men would never be equal. Saying that women's love for frivolous things is the main reason women won't be treated as equals. As if all the things that men buy are of grave importance. But looking at the way some women dress, showing way too much skin, or outfits that don't compliment their bodies, I can see how they could look at us and think lesser. Why dress in a way that incites lust, and makes them see us only as pussy, then turn around and say, "you have to treat me equally and with respect". That's like an illiterate and ignorant man telling me he's my superior. I would probably laugh in his face, and know he doesn't understand that I am laughing at him, and that would make me laugh even harder.
So this made me think of men I dated, and although I know they appreciate the way in which I wrap myself, but I also know they were most likely unwrapping me mentally. Has this made me stop dressing up? No. But its made me want to think of the way women dress from my female view of world. I know that since the feminine rights movement for equality, women should be burnings bras and show any man that wants to subjugate us, that we are just as manly as them. After all, we want to be treated equal.
Honestly I have always viewed women as better then men. Not just because I am a woman, but because we have more then men. And coming after man, God was able to perfect His creation of mankind. Why should I settled for equal, when I believe I deserve better. I like this little anecdote of why women have superior worth. Let's go back to the garden of Eden, which was paradise, but even God saw that after giving Adam paradise, it still wasn't enough. So God gave Eve to Adam, and then Adam goes on to give up paradise for Eve. I think of this every time some one wants to tell me that women are inferior.
But what do you girls think? Do you think that the way we dress although it makes us feel alluring and confident, legitimize men thinking we are inferior? Keeping in mind that men are simple creatures ( just kidding men), do you think it is possible for men to see an alluring woman and subtract nothing from her because of the way she dresses? Should the things that women buy for ourselves make us lesser? Has the way you dressed or looked ever made a man treat you negatively? What did you learn from that situation?