Who am I the villain to?

These past few days I have been thinking about my ex. The good memories I have of him are forever tainted and his position as the “villain” of my past has been permanently established.  He will always be remembered by me as the selfish one who broke my heart. Even though I can’t put all the blame on him, he still carries responsibility for his actions. He was so wrapped up in himself that he either never stopped to think how his actions might affect me, or just didn’t care. This made me wonder about my actions towards others in my past, if I treated someone so selfishly that I am the villain in their past. I don’t think I have ever been so selfish and careless that I would be the villain. But there is one person that comes to mind that it’s possible. There is Drew.

I only have good memories of Drew, but thinking back, he may not have some good memories of me. Drew was a nice guy. He was attractive, into the same things that I liked (anime, pokemon, etc.), and most importantly he was so into me. I mean, Drew would practically do whatever I wanted, he liked me so much. Even though I was honest about my lukewarm feelings towards him, he continued to chase me. Drew was so eager to get my lukewarm feelings to the boiling point that he really started to put things into over drive. It was as if his life started to revolve around me. I admit even though I was a bit concerned by his devotion, I enjoyed soaking up his attention. Drew could always be relied on to boost my ego.

I met Drew after a very traumatic experience in my life. Drew really helped to make me feel good about myself when I hated looking at myself in the mirror. He looked at me as if the sun rose and set out of my behind.  I enjoyed going places with him because it was very apparent that he was over the top proud to have me on his arm. It felt great. But I had no desire or intention of ever returning Drew’s affection the way he wanted. Even though I was honest about my feelings, I always seemed to be dangling a carrot out for him to chase after. I admit I was selfish. I was concerned about his strong attachment to me, but I didn’t care about how my careless attitude towards him would affect him. I was only focused on how he made me feel about ME. But I have to thank God for my mother. She holds us all accountable for our actions towards ourselves and others.

I remember the conversation with my mom that made me cut Drew loose.  I was making plans to hang out with Drew on the phone. My mom was listening as we were making these plans.  When I got off the phone, my mom didn’t pull any punches or even segue into her comment. As I was walking to the fridge to grab myself a popsicle, she said quite calmly, “You know you’re no good for that boy.” If anyone ever wants to know where I get my bluntness from, it’s from my mom and no other. She has a way of bringing up a thought from weeks ago, without any forewarning, throwing a monkey wrench into whatever thoughts you’ve been throwing around. My mom is the ultimate “Mind Ninja.”

So imagine carefree me looking forward to my next outing with Drew when my mom tells me I am “no good.” I am not paraphrasing. She really called me “No good.” So when I asked her to explain why I’m “no good.” She explained in her observation voice, that it was clear that Drew wanted much more than I was going to give and that I was stringing him along. I tried to defend myself by saying, I couldn’t be stringing him along because I was honest about my feelings towards him. In her mom voice, she explains that my words and actions were confusing him.

I was saying I didn’t want his affections, but I was allowing him to show his affections towards me. By allowing him to express his affections, I was giving him hope that he could change my mind. By dangling the carrot in front of him, he would think that if he worked hard enough, he could catch me. She told me, it will break his poor little heart after he has put so much work in and still doesn’t get me AND on top of that I would be the cold heartless woman that used him.  Now this description of who I would be if I continued to play with Drew’s emotions thoroughly upset me. I started to weigh my actions because I didn’t want to be cold, heartless and callous towards Drew because I truly liked him. Just not in the way he wanted.

I remember after accepting that my actions have been careless towards Drew, I still wanted to try to keep him as a friend. I asked my mom if I could keep him as just a friend. My mom said be a true friend and cut him loose. It would be too easy to fall back into the already established pattern of him trying to gain my affections, no matter how careful I was. It was one of the hardest conversations I have ever had to this very day with someone. Telling him that I had to end our dealings with each other because I was looking out for him didn’t make much sense to him. It took a little while before he realized that I meant what I had said. He stopped trying to reach me, and I hoped I only bruised his ego.

Now I look back on that situation with different eyes, eyes that have seen first hand how cruel it is string someone along. I had recognized the wisdom of my mother’s words even then. Which is why I decided to be a true friend to Drew and protect his heart from me. I hope and pray that I succeeded. I could say that I did it purely to protect his heart and I did want to protect his heart. But the true reason I did it, is because I didn’t want to be the “villain” that can give such ugly scars to the heart of a person that I say I care about.  I wanted to truly care, not careless, careful.

Unmarried with Kids

Let me just give you a bit of how this subject came up for me. It wasn't a profound conversation that I had with a colleague or friend. But from thinking of someone I haven't spoken to in a while. It seems the older I get, more and more of my friends are starting to have kids. One of my best friends just had a beautiful bundle of joy, and as I was about to call her to check up on my God-daughter, I started to think about another one of my friends I hadn't spoken to in a while, Tiny. I was thinking about sending her a text saying, "I am still waiting on my wedding invitation." This being an on-going joke between her and myself since she first told me, that she and her fiancée were trying to have a child but were not going to get married first. Being the old-fashioned girl that I am, I had deep reservations, told her so and started joking about having a shot gun wedding. This being my second friend who decided to have kids now and get married later, I was noticing a trend. A trend that, I for one am sorry to see, is catching. There are plenty of people that don't believe in marriage, but still want to have kids. Or the women who just can't wait for marriage to have kids. Or the couples that put off marriage until after the kids. I really just don't understand.

When I think about the reservations a person may have about marriage, I wonder how is it that they can get pass that fear and have kids. It's still a lifelong commitment. You're still going to have to deal with the mother/father of your child. So how is marriage more of a commitment than bringing another life into this world that will need to be nurtured? I'm just saying. It doesn't add up to me. Maybe because I am a woman. And as one, I feel that a woman is honored when she becomes a man's wife. It's a title that men will not give to just anyone. It's like men are saying "You are my treasure, and I want to keep you for myself," when they ask a woman to be their wife. I can understand why a man would not want to get married but still have kids, I just don't understand how a woman can do that. It's like my mom says (and probably every other mother), "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"

This question leads me into my wonder at why an engaged couple would choose to have a child first before marriage. I have been told that its because there is no money. Last time I check the cost of raising a child is up to millions of dollars. Where as a courthouse wedding is only the cost of the marriage licence, which is hardly breaking the bank. It costs more in this economy to fill up your tank with gas. So if you're putting off getting married until you can save up for your dream wedding, it will probably take longer than you expect because like I said earlier, babies aren't cheap. In fact, I have a new logo on that. BBB Babies Break the Bank.

I wonder how many other couples out there are deciding to become parents first and married later. What reasons are they giving themselves that make this the better solution? Why is raising kids less scary than saying "I do."? Is it selfishness or insightful? And if you think it's better to raise kids out of wedlock, do you believe in God? Not trying to condemn anyone's lifestyle choices, but where is the accountability? I can trust you to be a good father of my child but I can't trust you as a husband. 

Why I moved on

I learned some very painful lessons with my first love. I learned that just because I love him doesn’t mean he loves me. I learned that I shouldn’t judge everyone by my own standard. Meaning because I won’t cheat doesn’t mean he won’t either. Maybe the most painful lesson of all is recognizing that while I was planning a future around him, he was planning a future for himself without me. But I think the most important and final lesson that people must learn once a relationship is over is not letting go, but moving on.

We hear a lot of things as women that causes us to be able to carry a torch for years after we are no longer a thought in their heads. Sayings like “Let it go and if it comes back, its yours,” serve to make it hard for women to move on. We let things go and in the back of our heads keep looking for signs of its return. Anyone can tell you that it’s impossible to move forward if you are looking back. So the most important and the hardest lesson is moving on.

This is necessary for your life and for your future love. In order for you to be open to anyone that will want to be with you in the future, you must completely close the door of your relationship and move on. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to throw yourself back into the dating pool or walk into someone else’s arms, in fact, I advise against that. If you’re like me, you may have sustained some pretty bad emotional wounds and they take time to heal even after you moved on. You owe it to yourself and your future spouse to take the time to heal to prevent any future harm. You will have scars but it’s a closed wound, not open and bleeding into your future relationship. I bet you’re wondering what’s the difference between letting go and moving on. I can give you the difference as my heart began to learn it and my head began to make sense of it.

My relationship had a lot of problems and dissatisfaction. If you’ve been following my blog you have a pretty good idea of what went wrong. I admit, I broke up with my ex, but I hadn’t let go when I broke up with him. I still had expectations from him. I expected him to try to correct the wrong he did. And even though I knew he couldn’t correct it, I at least expected for him to allow me to expend all my frustration and pain from his betrayal on him at least. I think I really began to let go when I received a potted butterfly orchid, my favorite flower, from him.

The thing is, I have been mentioning this flower for about a year and a half, along with other non too subtle things I wanted him to do. I even found myself checking my mail box in case he finally decided to write me the love letter that I have been wanting for ages. I waited a week before I checked the mail. Honestly I was expecting my mail box to be filled with lovely handwritten letters. So imagine how I felt when I received my favorite flower, ordered offline, with some typed note in it (I don’t think I even know what his handwriting looks like). I can’t even remember what it said. It probably said “Sorry.” So much for effort and sincerity. When I saw this, I let go. I knew then that I could wait for the rest of my life and he would never give me what I truly wanted, just the things he was willing to give. Can you imagine that even knowing this, I still had not moved on. Why? The answer is quite simple. I love him and I still wanted to be with him. So what event caused me to move on?

Well, my ex always seem to have these periodic M.I.A. moments. Things are going along fine and bam! I can’t reach him, and he hasn’t called.  I often believed it was technical issues, but after recent events I am not so sure anymore. So imagine my reaction when he pulled yet another M.I.A. Since he had lowered my expectations for him so far I didn’t try too hard to reach him. About fours days after we last spoke, he finally sent a text saying that some things had happened on his end and he was taking time to pray about things. I was a bit angry, but that cooled quickly. I just didn’t care anymore. His excuses meant nothing to me. I was really finish. My friend Tre said, “It’s true that when a women is finished with you she just doesn’t care anymore.” My response was, “If he wanted my care and concern, he would have given me something to care about.” The message probably took less than a minute to type and it could have been sent four days ago. I didn’t respond or call him ever since then.

The day before he sent the message, I had already moved on. I even sent him a message the day before he text me. Reading it, it doesn’t seem like a good bye message. It doesn’t even have a farewell in it. Just a few lines of gratitude for the lessons in love I learned from him.  I had already realized that I wanted something better and I wanted it more than I wanted him. So when he disappeared yet again, I moved on. Thinking of the future I would have if I stayed with him turned me away. How could I not expect for him to do this even with kids? He has not changed in the three years I’ve known him, why should I expect for him to change in the future? What can I say to my kids when their father just decides not to come home one day? What would I say when they look at me and ask, “Where’s daddy?” This is why I moved on. I had stopped looking at him as a lover and started to look at him as a possible husband and father of my kids. When I started to evaluate him for the future I really wanted to build, he came up severely lacking.  Even though I loved him and wanted to be with him, the life I wanted to have with him was not possible.  He can not be that man. So I moved on.

I learned the difference between letting go and moving on.  You can let go of someone and forever after hope for his return to you. Moving on is just that, Moving on. Not looking back, not hoping for his return. Not hoping for him to FINALLY realize what you could have together if he just gets his act together. You completely separate those thoughts from you, moving on to true happiness. Even though you may have truly wanted to be with him, and acknowledging the possibility for the desire to remain for a long time, still move on. I moved on from his reality. I removed him from the dream I had built with him at the center. The dream is still good, but he can no longer have any part of it.

My Very Own Love Story

Recently, I have been over loading on romance novels and Asian Dramas. It has got me thinking about how I want my love story to be. I have always been a hopeless romantic, but at the same time I never really thought the things that I read in books or see in movies is reality. Where would I find a man that would answer to the passion in my soul, while also helping to heal the scars on it?  Where would I find the guy that is so willing to share himself? Every time I go see a romantic movie and the guy professes his love, I often thought about how the man I would marry would confess his to me.

The truth is my ideal confession changes. I see things that changes my mind almost daily. The one thing I know is that words simply aren't enough. I have a lifetime filled with empty words. People saying the things a person wants to hear without thinking about the ramifications for that person when they realize those words were just empty. But that's just the tip of the iceberg.

I don't know about every one else,  I don't mind my love story having bumps in the road, but i am a person that has no tolerance for disappointment. Not saying that all disappointment is weighed the same, but there must be moderation. I can't see myself with someone that is not careful about my feelings. A person that is fine with disappointing is not worthy of me. I am not perfect, but I know I deserve better than a life filled with disappointments in love.

After finding a man that is going to fight for the things that I am afraid to even admit that I want out loud. A man that will have my best interests at heart, he will search for the right method to profess his love, and he won't make me wait years of my youth to get it either. And this is where I get to the heart of the mystery. As a romantic woman, and a creative person by nature, I often think about that one moment. The moment when my life has turned into my very own love story. So for reader's I will write the fantasy had once held really close to my heart.

Lena had been sitting in the same spot for the past 12 days, alternating between deathly calmness and overwhelming sadness.  Her mind was trying to convince her heart that it was really over. Trying to stop her heartache with reason. This was for the best. Yes, the pain was almost unbearable. The only consolation she had was the knowledge that it was better to end it now rather then wait for him to finally realize he didn't want her after wasting years of her life. It was better to accept the writing on the wall. He was never going to give her what she wanted so why wait any longer? But it hurts.

Lena didn't want to think of which hurt worst, the betrayal or being strung along. She knew. She wish she didn't, but she knew. And so the hours since she had dredged the strength to finally end this charade, passed in this way. She was done with all pretense. Too bad that strength of knowing did nothing to stop the ache in her chest. Lena decided it was about time to take her daily shower, no matter how depressed she is, she would never sit in filth. Besides, the shower can help to mask how tears she has cried. She always thought she had cried out her last tear only to be proven wrong.

Lena emerged from the shower refreshed, to hear the incessant knocking at her door. Lena wasn't expecting anyone to drop by, so she silently crept up to the door to look through the peephole. What she saw beyond the door made her heart slam into her chest and do back flips all at once. Lena covered her mouth to keep from making a sound as she quickly backed away from the door. The pause in the knocking caused her to look back through the peephole only to see that he was still there. The sound of Lena's cell phone ringing almost made her scream, but she quickly crossed to living room to stop the sound.

Dan's voice travels through the door, "Lena, I can hear you. I know you're there. Please open the door." Lena doesn't move. "I'm not going anywhere until I see you." Dan says much to Lena's disbelief. Lena had years of Dan's unwillingness to do anything she wanted if it inconvenienced him or would injure his pride. Waiting outside a door with her neighbors walking by was an inconvenience and a blow to his pride. He would eventually tire of waiting and leave.

Time seem to inch by but hours had passed, even though he had stopped knocking and stopped calling, Lena knew he was still there. The voices of her neighbor speaking to him as they passed her door kept her aware of his presence. The sun was setting, but Dan showed no sign of leaving. Lena sat on the floor next to the door with her head resting on her knees.

"I wish there were words I could say to fix this. Words that could make you trust me again. Words that would show my sincerity. But I had the entire drive here and 12 days before then to think about it. I have already given too many words. You had years of my words and actions not lining up. I was just fortunate you didn't decide to leave me sooner...So I won't give you any more excuses as to why I let you down, and why I didn't treasure you. I just want the chance to show you. I don't want to go another day with you in one city and me in another 5 hours away."

Lena raised her head off her knees. Her heart starting to beat wildly out of control almost to the point of bursting. Dan's voice continued to travel through the door. "I want to show you that I am ready and I can't do that 5 hours away. So even though it doesn't make sense to completely up heave my life, it just feels right. There was nothing there for me anyway, and if I am going to have a regular job, I can get one closer to you. It doesn't matter where I am, I just know I need to be there with you. Please say I haven't lost my chance with you."

Lena had stood up from her position on the floor. Tears blinding her and her knuckle in between her teeth to stop her from crying out. It was Dan's soft barely perceptible "please" drifting through the door that had Lena slowly open her front door. Dan stood out of the door, looking at Lena in her robe.

"I need you in my life. And with God's help, I will be a man worthy of you. I'm so sorry that I made you feel like the top of the list. There is no list. There's only you, the only one." At this, Lena rushed into Dan arms with tears overflowing as he crushed her to his chest. And this time, when he said "I love you," Lena's heart rejoiced because she knew those words to be true.

Used Car Salesmen

I know it’s not fair to ask why men date younger women. I could go on a feminist tangent of why a patriarchal society has brain washed both sexes that younger is best. But I think of it differently now. It’s like having a car with so many miles on it. No matter how many good times and road trips you’ve taken with it, if the right opportunity presents itself you still will go and buy a newer and less used car.  Not that new equates best, but sometimes new requires less work.

As a woman, the older I get, I am getting further away from being the young, hot thing. I know when I was younger, I complained about all the men my age not speaking up and only being hit on by men older than me. Being told that it’s because women mature faster than men, meant that I would be better served setting my romantic interests on a man older than me. It didn’t really concern me unless the man trying to hit on me was old enough to be my daddy. I just went out for fun, knowing that I had time to think about getting married when I was older. But I am still unmarried and getting closer to 30.

Knowing that I want to get married someday, it would be a lie if I said I was not concerned by what men think of women still single after 30. I have heard that women that are still unmarried after the age of 30 are seen by men as having problems not worth dealing with. This saddens me because it is such a double standard. A man still single after 30, has goals and standards. A woman still single after 30, has problems. I was venting one day about the unfair points of being a single woman after the age that society says you should be settled by, when my brother put a different spin on.

My brother said men know exactly how many “bad” men are out there, even though they act unaware. The nice guys have these men as friends themselves. The nice men hear how about their friends dealing with women knowing they have no serious intentions towards them. But “Man Code” is strong. They can only say to their friends “Man, that’s F*cked up.” Not interfere. So men know exactly how many women their friends could have gone through before finding a woman they want to settled down with. So when they look at a woman over 30, they start to think of if their dating experience is like theirs. How many of those bad men have come and gone in this woman’s life? Is it possible that this woman has been so thoroughly used that she is jaded?

Men think these thoughts and decide for themselves whether that woman is worth the effort. I hate to keep comparing women to used cars, but the comparison works. As a person looking to buy a car, you shop around. You see an old 1970’s Challenger, you fall in love at first sight. You are already thinking of how cool you’ll look in it once you get it to mint condition, but you see that it will take a lot of time, and effort to restore it. Then you see the newer model. You add up the mental calculations and you realize no matter which car you choose, you’ll end up spending the same amount of money roughly.  The only difference between the two, is that one is ready to drive off the lot, while the other will be a labor of love on the weekends just to get to drive. The truth is most people would chose a car they can drive right then, I know I would. With the economy the way it is, I would want a dependable car that’s ready now.

Now lets use this in dating, I am a man that knows that it’s highly possible that the women my age has been used by other men. I say used, because that’s what has happened. The men in their lives used the women without any intentions of marrying them. I know you can test drive a car, but that’s around the block. Women tend to let men test drive them for years before the man finally admits he has no intention of buying. If you were selling your car, would you let the person test drive the car for years without buying it. No. It wouldn’t make sense. Why get the benefits if you don’t want to buy it?

My mom has said “Why buy the cow when the milk is free?”  I know when I was younger, it didn’t really compute and being from the city, I really dislike adages that compared me to farm animals. I am so apart of “Try before you Buy” age of marketing. It’s sad that this must even apply to dating. My closest male friend says he wouldn’t even think about marrying a woman before he has lived with her. I still can’t believe how adamant he is about this.  She has to jump through all those hoops before you’re even willing to consider marriage. So where does that leave her when you have taken years of her life, and you realize you don’t? She’s closer to the used car lot and she has never even been bought. So selfish.

This is where I want to give women something to ponder on. How many miles are you willing to let a man test drive you? You know what you want. Just because a man is calling you his lady, doesn’t mean that you have been bought. It’s the difference between buying a car and leasing it. Are you willing to let yourself be a used car without having had one owner?  Will you buy me?

When the Sun Goes down…

I can pretend all day that I’m ok. Be all smiles, show no frowns but when the sun goes down… When the sun goes down, and no one’s around I give in. I give in to the thoughts that cause so much pain. I can cry out my sorrow. I don’t have to pretend I’m not affected. I can be mad. I can torture myself with the memories, and dreams.  I can miss your voice, touch, presence to my hearts content.  I can make believe that you are missing me as much as I miss you.  I can pretend you loved me, that you’re Facebook stalking me. That you’re looking at the phone wishing I would call. Each day that goes by gets harder. Each day I become more convinced that I really meant nothing to begin with. And when the Sun goes down, I want to give in to the desire to pretend. Find a way to make it be ok. Try to trick myself to believe in your lies again. Wishing in weakness that I can unlearn my knowledge, cause that’s how much I want to be with you. That my heart is willing to try to put the pieces back together just so you can shatter them again.

When the sun comes up, reason takes back over, saying I deserve better. I deserve someone who will treasure my heart. Why should I return my heart to the hands that have callously handled it before for a Third time.  How could I possibly even trick myself into believe it was a stupid mistake? With what words and actions could he possibly convince me that his heart is sincere? Where was all this sincerity before, when my heart needed it? Only after destroying it he is willing to bring out sincerity.  How many more, “I wasn’t thinking” excuses do I need to hear before my heart is willing to accept that it means “I wasn’t thinking, because I don’t care.” I don’t care enough to prevent myself from hurting you. I tell myself things you had to be thinking for you to treat me this way.

I will do what I want and if you get hurt in the process, I will try to fix. But only do enough to keep you by my side. I know you’re hungry for my love, but I will give you enough affection to sustain you. Not to nourish or satisfy.  I will use excuses like, “I don’t know how to open up,” or “I’m afraid to get hurt” to placate you. It will be the go to reason you keep in your head whenever I don’t fulfill your needs. But you will continue to fulfill mines in hopes that one day I will. These are the thoughts I tell myself you were thinking when the sun comes up and reason returns. Miss me?  I was just week three girl in the rotation. Every three weeks it would be my turn for you to act like you were really my boyfriend and wanted me.  The rest of the month was devoted to the others. When you didn’t call, when you were taking trips for “work” or to visit a “friend” you were just going to see the other girls in the rotation. I probably wasn’t even #1.  So why am I moping around? The facts of two years of my devotion weighed against your nonchalance should have been enough for me to end it. I shouldn’t have had to learn about the others for me to step away. I deserve 100 times better. I remind myself of my worth when the sun comes up, but it always go back down.

When the sun goes down, the only thing that matters is that I love you. Even knowing the reasons why I can’t allow my heart to accept you, I love you. Even knowing your heart was never there, I can’t deny that mines was. So when the sun goes down, I remember my love for you.  And it makes me want to cave in, especially after the thoughts of the day, but I can’t reach out of my pain to you. So I close my eye and feel the cold wetness of my pillow and wait for the sun to rise to bring my reason back to me.

Words VS Actions

My friend Tre, has been complaining about his single life saying he’s tired of screwing around. He says he’s finally ready to settle down into a real relationship. The problem is that he doesn’t seem to be willing to break the habits of promiscuity.  He says wants to build a good strong healthy relationship, but he always seems to fall into bed prematurely with the person. I know for men that sex is just sex. It’s not an emotional experience the way it is for a woman. So when Tre tells me he just met a woman that he is interested in and then a few days later he tells me they have slept together, its reasonable that I should be skeptical about his aforementioned desires.  His interest and the consummation of his interest has all happened within a week.  It’s when these things occur that I doubt Tre’s sincerity of being ready to settle down.
Tre is almost 30. He’s an attractive black man. He has his head on straight and his priorities in order. Now that Tre is saying he’s tired of screwing around, as his friend I immediately start to look for signs of a man that is seriously looking for a woman to marry. But then he pulls a stunt like this. Meet a woman and sleep with her all in the same week.  Since Tre’s a man, I can’t really look down on that cause it is socially accepted if not morally, but Tre’s actions seem to be contrary to what he has said.  He says he’s tired of screwing around but he seems to be doing just that.

Now, I know Tre will not agree with this in the least, but I feel he’s still not looking for a serious relationship.  I think he’s just tired of chasing booty and just wants one booty to be available to him all the time.  This doesn’t mean he’s ready to say “I do.” I don’t even think he’s really looking for a woman to marry, because his actions say otherwise. He just wants an “In-house booty.” “In-house booty,” for those that have never heard the term before is the booty you don’t have to go out and hunt. It’s booty you go home to. Doesn’t necessarily mean they live together. It just means he doesn’t have to put that much effort into getting in their pants because they are already in a relationship. She will be a woman that will give him sex when he wants it and he will give the appearance of a marriage minded person in return. 
The reason I say this is because Tre’s habits in dating has not changed. Tre probably feels he’s old enough and having multiple partners is for young and immature men. He wants to separate himself from that group and I think he also wants the companionship of being in a relationship, and avoid the risks of screwing around. Plus he’s really big on cuddling.  Another reason I think he’s just looking for “in-house booty,” is because he keeps dating women much younger than him. In their early 20’s.  Women are often thinking about marriage. In most cases, the younger they are the further away it is in their future.  I know when I was 22 marriage was still a few years off and dating was just for fun. Now that I am older the way I date is differently. My expectations in a man are higher, because I am not just looking at who will be a good boyfriend for a while. I am looking at who will be a good husband for the rest of my life and who will be a good father for my future kids.  Tre’s actions don’t seem like a man searching for a wife or the mother of his kids.
Now Tre could prove me wrong. But for now, his actions are the opposite of his words. Do men feel that they can sleep with a woman on the within a certain amount of time and still see her as a possible mother of his kids and future wife?