I know it’s not fair to ask why men date younger women. I could go on a feminist tangent of why a patriarchal society has brain washed both sexes that younger is best. But I think of it differently now. It’s like having a car with so many miles on it. No matter how many good times and road trips you’ve taken with it, if the right opportunity presents itself you still will go and buy a newer and less used car. Not that new equates best, but sometimes new requires less work.
As a woman, the older I get, I am getting further away from being the young, hot thing. I know when I was younger, I complained about all the men my age not speaking up and only being hit on by men older than me. Being told that it’s because women mature faster than men, meant that I would be better served setting my romantic interests on a man older than me. It didn’t really concern me unless the man trying to hit on me was old enough to be my daddy. I just went out for fun, knowing that I had time to think about getting married when I was older. But I am still unmarried and getting closer to 30.
Knowing that I want to get married someday, it would be a lie if I said I was not concerned by what men think of women still single after 30. I have heard that women that are still unmarried after the age of 30 are seen by men as having problems not worth dealing with. This saddens me because it is such a double standard. A man still single after 30, has goals and standards. A woman still single after 30, has problems. I was venting one day about the unfair points of being a single woman after the age that society says you should be settled by, when my brother put a different spin on.
My brother said men know exactly how many “bad” men are out there, even though they act unaware. The nice guys have these men as friends themselves. The nice men hear how about their friends dealing with women knowing they have no serious intentions towards them. But “Man Code” is strong. They can only say to their friends “Man, that’s F*cked up.” Not interfere. So men know exactly how many women their friends could have gone through before finding a woman they want to settled down with. So when they look at a woman over 30, they start to think of if their dating experience is like theirs. How many of those bad men have come and gone in this woman’s life? Is it possible that this woman has been so thoroughly used that she is jaded?
Men think these thoughts and decide for themselves whether that woman is worth the effort. I hate to keep comparing women to used cars, but the comparison works. As a person looking to buy a car, you shop around. You see an old 1970’s Challenger, you fall in love at first sight. You are already thinking of how cool you’ll look in it once you get it to mint condition, but you see that it will take a lot of time, and effort to restore it. Then you see the newer model. You add up the mental calculations and you realize no matter which car you choose, you’ll end up spending the same amount of money roughly. The only difference between the two, is that one is ready to drive off the lot, while the other will be a labor of love on the weekends just to get to drive. The truth is most people would chose a car they can drive right then, I know I would. With the economy the way it is, I would want a dependable car that’s ready now.
Now lets use this in dating, I am a man that knows that it’s highly possible that the women my age has been used by other men. I say used, because that’s what has happened. The men in their lives used the women without any intentions of marrying them. I know you can test drive a car, but that’s around the block. Women tend to let men test drive them for years before the man finally admits he has no intention of buying. If you were selling your car, would you let the person test drive the car for years without buying it. No. It wouldn’t make sense. Why get the benefits if you don’t want to buy it?
My mom has said “Why buy the cow when the milk is free?” I know when I was younger, it didn’t really compute and being from the city, I really dislike adages that compared me to farm animals. I am so apart of “Try before you Buy” age of marketing. It’s sad that this must even apply to dating. My closest male friend says he wouldn’t even think about marrying a woman before he has lived with her. I still can’t believe how adamant he is about this. She has to jump through all those hoops before you’re even willing to consider marriage. So where does that leave her when you have taken years of her life, and you realize you don’t? She’s closer to the used car lot and she has never even been bought. So selfish.
This is where I want to give women something to ponder on. How many miles are you willing to let a man test drive you? You know what you want. Just because a man is calling you his lady, doesn’t mean that you have been bought. It’s the difference between buying a car and leasing it. Are you willing to let yourself be a used car without having had one owner? Will you buy me?
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