“Rules of Attraction” Class assignment

In my Acting for TV class, we had the assignment to shoot a silent scene from a movie. I originally wanted to do the shower scene from “Psycho” but problems arose and had to change movies at the last minute. I chose to take the suicide scene from “Rules of Attraction” with Mariah Carey’s remake of “Live without you” I had fun doing this. I hope everyone enjoys my feeble attempts at acting. 

She has my Face…

Panic Rising, Heart pounding. Something is terribly wrong, but the jumble of emotions offer no answer. Only confusion. I walk into the bathroom, look in the mirror. She has my face, but doesn’t feel like ME. Nor the person I was meant to be. Supernova in internity, scattering the light within, but leaving only a crack on the surface. The blast light years away from being felt. There’s a subtle shift. It’s in the tilt of her… my head, once held high but now bowed. It’s in her… my eyes, once luminous, now dimmed. It’s in the set of her… my mouth, once often upturned in a smile, but now it seems like smiles never had a place there. My hand moves to touch the face of this woman, but she has my face… Am I touching me? I don’t feel like me. Nothing inside nor without feels like me. And yet I see my face, I can touch my body, but it doesn’t feel like MINES. Something is very wrong, Something has been lost… NO!!! NOOOO!!!!!! It wasn’t lost, it hasn’t been misplaced. It was TAKEN!!! Someone has taken me??? What does that mean??? Emotions well up inside, bringing acute pain. The blast, light years too soon, incinerates everything that was me in its path. The world begins to fade to black. Deep Breaths… Deep Breaths… I pull it all back. With everything in me, I pull it back… pulling at internity. Trying to pull back the light… Panic recedes, heart slows… I collapse into myself, pulling as I fall back into the abyss of… Look into the mirror. Eyes…Dull. She has my face… Doesn’t feel like me,but… She has my face…

My 1st Video Project

This was a group project for my film production I class. I was so proud of the turn out that I want everyone to see it. The original music was Duke Ellington’s “In a sentimental Mood” performed by John Coltrane, but youtube wouldn’t let me keep the audio. So I used my favorite song from Evanescence. Enjoy!!!

Happy Birthday...New Year, New Resolutions

Almost everyone does it it. Right as they are trying to figure what club they are going to bring the new year in at, who they are going to kiss at the stroke of midnight and that perfect party outfit. They ponder what their goals for the new year will be. They decide what they accomplished in the previous year wasn't enough, that they can do better. Or they see that they didn't accomplish their previous goal and they set the same goal again. Almost everyone has a new year resolution. Even I have a new year resolution but it doesn't start at the same time as everyone else does.

My new year resolution starts on my birthday. After all, its another year God has granted me life. I still come up with a new year's eve resolution but that is usually about weight loss or financial goals. However, right as the clock is ticking down to the hour that brings me to a new age, 24 instead of 23, I begin to think of my personal growth. I think of the decisions I made while being 23, decisions I don't want to make as 24. I think of who I want to be and I start to pinpoint on all character patterns I have that don't fit into the person I want to be. Procrastination, depression, unmotivated, doubt, fear, etc. I think of everything that I can start to ground out to continue my metamorphose into the person I want to be. I write my goals down. Each a positive, negative reflections only cause backsliding. So I phrase it carefully. I say things like "I want to be more confident in myself" or "I want to be more motivated." That way I focus on the good. After all even the bible says to focus on good. "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." Philippians 4:8

So as I start my 24th year, I will keep positive things in mind. That also means getting rid of a few people that are stagnant. There are people in everyone's life that need to be pruned. They are like weeds, stinting your personal growth. Tripping you up every time you try to ascend to a new level. Most of them aren't your friends, just people that put on the face of friendship because you are useful to them for the moment. But there is a select few that are truly your friends, but for their own personal reason, they aren't ready or unwilling to go through the change you want to initiate in your life with you. They like the way they live their life, and although they understand the reason for you wanting the change they don't see a need to change themselves.


That's where changing habits become difficult. The friends that still live their life the way you don't want to live yours anymore becomes a problem. You are too new in the lifestyle you want to live to be able to be around them and not backslide. Most people don't see a need to remove people from their lives when they start to change, but when the frustration of not progressing the way they want sets in and they really think about it, they start to see that they must part from their friends. You look back at the road that you traveled together, seeing every obstacle the two of you overcame together; The good times. You look forward seeing the fork in the road, and your friend has already started down the path you don't want to take without any hesitation. A part of you wants to chase after them and drag them back to take to same road as you, but instinctively you know this is a one way journey. So you take the road you must, feeling the loneliness because you don't know if the road ahead will reunite you with your friend, perhaps giving you a second chance to travel the same road together. But you trudge along, seemingly alone because its what you must do. Keeping in mind Proverbs 1:15-16, "My son, walk not thou in the way with them; refrain thy foot from their path: ¹⁶For their feet run to evil, and make haste to shed blood."

How many pivotal moments have their been in your life where you see the need to end friendships because following your friends would take you places where you don't want to go? Were you strong enough to say by to your friends or did you find yourself following after them, because you didn't want to walk alone?

Can we be friends...after I used you?

"Can we be friends?" It's possibly the most popular line for break ups, when the person saying it no longer wants you, but they are selfish so they want to keep you on the shelf in case they don't find something better. But today while talking to my sister, another way that line is used was brought to mind. I was talking to my sister and for whatever reasons we drifted down memory lane of how a man in our past used us and now wanted to be friends with us. To tell the story would be very short, it was a while back. I liked a boy, I thought he liked me. I was a cut buddy but thought it was going towards more. But then he says he isn't ready for a relationship. He goes home for the summer and comes back to school in a relationship that fall with a girl that attends the same university as us. I proceed to cut off all contact, which was kind of hard since we were in a constitutionally bounded Sorority and fraternity. So every fraternity event I went to, the chances of running into him were high. But I managed.

But I guess me snubbing him in person, and deleting him from all contact lists (Facebook, Myspace, Tagged, Yim) wasn't enough. Time goes by, I move on. I log onto FB one day to see a friend request from him. I denied it without a second thought and went on with my day. Some time after that I receive an email from him on FB, asking me if I was still mad at him, apologizing and asking if we could be friends. I was a little pissed at how his tone in the email made it seem like I was being childish for not wanting to be his friend after he used me. I really couldn't believe the conceit. Like I was still going to bed at night sticking pins into a voodoo doll with his hair glued to the top. I just wanted to laugh. I didn't want to reply, but I had to set the record straight. I calmly let him know that I could never see him as my friend, because if he was "my friend" he wouldn't have used me in the first place. And that I forgave him a long time ago and that he would have to deal with his own guilt of how he treats his "friends" but unfortunately he had burnt that bridge with me.

My sister and I laughed at the gall of how he could expect me to be his friend after he used me. I admit I was silly and naive; and I laugh at myself for my folly of even dealing with him in the first place. But I have learned my lesson and moved on. However it still baffles me on how anyone can expect a person to let you be in any part of their life after you have used them. After they have already shown an uncaring for how you feel. It's like, let me treat you anyway I want, then get over it and continue to give me what I want. How selfish.

I know its a common thing. There's a ripple effect. A person with no honor, having less than honorable intentions let a naive person think that they will give them what they want, at least until that person with no honor gets what they want. It's the actions like these that makes every person after them pay. Men not trusting women, because their girl cheated. Women not trusting men, because they were used by someone they like. So neither person ever knows if the person that holds their interest is genuine or just pretending. And its so hard to tell the counterfeit from the real thing sometimes. So we play games, and test each other to try and find out if this person is real or if we on our way to getting played. It makes us meaner, jaded. And sometimes we push the real thing away in the process. So how can a person expect me to want to be their friend after they have caused the ripple effect. I am not saying that I punish every guy for his deeds, but it has made me more caution. Only a fool would keep doing the same thing expecting different results and my mother didn't raise a fool.

So what about you? Would you be friends with a person who used you, even if you forgave them? How would you handle a situation like this?

This made me think of a Music Video by Gnarls Barkley that I like a lot. It's called "Who's Gonna Save My Soul Now." My situation was not like the one in the video but I can under the sentiment. Enjoy

Passion for Fashion... Does it make women inferior?

I admit it, I have a insane love of dressing well. My mom raised my sister and I with the motto of "always leave the house looking like someone loves you". So even now its hard for me to leave my house without looking presentable. When I started attending an HBCU and once I was old enough to get into the club (19 to enter in AL), my sister and I started a new motto for ourselves, "There's nothing wrong with being the best dressed woman in the room." So as you can guess, my sense of style became more grandiose. But in a recent conversation with a male teacher it was brought to my attention that to men it makes them perceive us as shallow, and inferior. Obviously a woman who likes to look well must have nothing but hot air between their ears.

He even went on to say, that the way some females dress is the reason why women and men would never be equal. Saying that women's love for frivolous things is the main reason women won't be treated as equals. As if all the things that men buy are of grave importance. But looking at the way some women dress, showing way too much skin, or outfits that don't compliment their bodies, I can see how they could look at us and think lesser. Why dress in a way that incites lust, and makes them see us only as pussy, then turn around and say, "you have to treat me equally and with respect". That's like an illiterate and ignorant man telling me he's my superior. I would probably laugh in his face, and know he doesn't understand that I am laughing at him, and that would make me laugh even harder.

So this made me think of men I dated, and although I know they appreciate the way in which I wrap myself, but I also know they were most likely unwrapping me mentally. Has this made me stop dressing up? No. But its made me want to think of the way women dress from my female view of world. I know that since the feminine rights movement for equality, women should be burnings bras and show any man that wants to subjugate us, that we are just as manly as them. After all, we want to be treated equal.

Honestly I have always viewed women as better then men. Not just because I am a woman, but because we have more then men. And coming after man, God was able to perfect His creation of mankind. Why should I settled for equal, when I believe I deserve better. I like this little anecdote of why women have superior worth. Let's go back to the garden of Eden, which was paradise, but even God saw that after giving Adam paradise, it still wasn't enough. So God gave Eve to Adam, and then Adam goes on to give up paradise for Eve. I think of this every time some one wants to tell me that women are inferior.

But what do you girls think? Do you think that the way we dress although it makes us feel alluring and confident, legitimize men thinking we are inferior? Keeping in mind that men are simple creatures ( just kidding men), do you think it is possible for men to see an alluring woman and subtract nothing from her because of the way she dresses? Should the things that women buy for ourselves make us lesser? Has the way you dressed or looked ever made a man treat you negatively? What did you learn from that situation?

Texting to Sexting, Is it a healthy relationship builder?

Chatting with my best friend over the phone about each others new love interests a few weeks ago, she told me that the only form of communication between her and the guy is through texting and that they never talk on the phone. When I heard this, alarms started going off in my head. I asked why texting was their only form of communication, but she just couldn't give me a definitive reason that didn't ring my alarms even louder.

I then went on to tell her that I didn't think it was a good idea to let texting be their only means of communicating because it seems suspicious. I don't consider men who only text me as potential Boyfriends, because I can do so many different things while texting. I could be on a date. I could be hanging out at another guy's house. Besides, I like to know I have their undivided attention when starting a conversation and hearing their voices and their surroundings go a long way for my peace of mind. I then told her that if she really likes this young man she needs to stop texting him and get him on the phone. And I let it go.

But this past sunday, I was over a friend house when her roomate and a make friend that she was letting wash at their place walked in. During friendly chatting, I decided to ask the guy about it. I asked why is texting their only means of communicating. The guy said what I thought but was too afraid to say to my friend. He said they probably only text because one of them is not that interested, most likely the guy. Because if the guy was that interested, he would want to talk.

That got me thinking about all the guys who have tried to pursue in the past. I have to admit that with us being in college and often with different cell phone providers, texting through the day was the cheapest because its free, and waiting until our night/weekend minutes kicked in to talk, but we did talk on the phone. Even the guy who holds my current interest talks to me on the phone more than we text. It was odd because we ended up talking for hours during the day for about a week when he wasn't scheduled for work as much, and it surprised me but pleased me a lot. I even asked him if we were using up all his minutes because we were averaging about five hours each day of daytime minutes. When he told me he added me to his circle because enjoyed talking to me too much, you wouldn't believe how pleased I was. But once again not everyone has that luxury.

Maybe I am old fashion, but I think texting is impersonal. However texting can give a sense of false intimacy, so I steer clear of texting my way to relationships. But what about you? Do you think texting or IM can build strong healthy relationships? How many relationships have you had where texting was your main way of communication when you weren't around that person?

The Disappearing Act

Talking to my friend last night about relationships, we ended up talking about the disappearing acts that some men pull. Everyone knows how it starts. You meet a guy, you talk to the guy, you start dating the guy, you talk to the guy constantly, you feel as if you are on the train and the next stop is committed bliss. Then out of no where without any warning the guy disappears. You call, he doesn't answer and you try to wait patiently for as return call, but then a full day goes by and still no call. You guess that maybe today was a particularly busy day for him so you're worried about the none communication, but not panicked yet. But then another 24 hours has gone by and still nothing. Now the jitters have settled in and your mind starts playing back the last conversation, the last encounter, trying to think of every possible reason for this disappearing act.

When he finally does call back, whenever it is he offers you some lame excuse about why he has been out of touch. I have seen some girl take the bait, and I have even once or twice before. Now if we let a person know how interested we are in them and what their disappearance makes us think, why do we continue to let it happen? Are we just so desperate that we will take whatever treatment they give us.

Even recently for me, there was a guy I liked but he did a disappearing act that lasted for a whole month. When he finally got back to me, the excuse he gave was phone troubles and then he had to deal with family issues. I don't want to be the one to say people aren't allowed to handle their problems and grief in their own way. Even I have in the past receded from the society of others when problems started to clutter my life, but being in a growing relationship it seemed like the train that had departed for love has been derailed.

So how does one find the energy to try to start again? should you just let it go or give them a second chance?

Possible end to my job Search

Well, I have been searching diligently for a job. (isn't everyone?). And I have just been offered a job with a marketing company. Of course I am going to take it. Beggars can't be choosers. But it may turn out to be exactly what I need. Still being in college and all, I needed a job that I can work around my school schedule without having to sacrifice study time. And this job, seems to be the cushion I need. So I am going to take this chance and run with it and see where it leads me. Hopefully I can do great with it.

Do you ever wonder if you are making a sound decision when it seems like there are no other options? I kind of feel like this now. But I am going to walk on faith. and see where is goes.

Pgymalion's Statue

I am Shapeless,

a lump of doh. Clay.

Willing participant to your passion.

Your hands,

beautifully created,

creating imaginatively

deceptively,

ME.

New,

Exquisitely lovely,

Untried,

Inexperienced,

but waiting to be filled with knowledge.

Unkowingly made to pleasure through enduring pain.

The sweet pain of unfulfillment.

Slave to the passion of creation,

Yet never creating.

Written 12/4/2003

Clay

I am like clay

Mold me into someone more like me,

Vixen

One smile

And I am reminded of the softness of your lips,

the promise of the sweetness in your mouth.

One laugh

And I am lifted to a plane of music beyond sound,

Your voice,

A song,

Deep,

that makes me tremble

all

the

way

down.

Your words,

a melody far sweeter than anything known to me.

One glance,

And the heat is so intense that I must look away.

For I am molten lava,

Burning,

Hard,

Bright,

but I fear the inferno that is...me

Overwhelming me

But there is a wall so big and thick

that now begins to crumble.

And the flood,

the rushing nectar of life covers me,

the flame is extinguished

and I find the ecstasy of

Release.

written 12/03/2003

Too SUPER to date

After being stood up again, I was venting to one of my male friends that I keep getting stood up, so it must be a sign that I am not supposed to be dating. He says no. So I ask him what does he think. He then goes on to say, Hypothetically of course, "let's say I am single, We meet at an apple store, We hit it off, We date. One of your qualities, that is out of balance with me and maybe others, is you're too super." I paused because I was waiting for an adjective to follow. Something that would give me more insight into why I seem to be so un-date-able.

When he doesn't continue, I ask "Super What?" and in one phrase he gives me more to think about then I ever thought about myself when dating. He replies, "Super Woman." At this point, I am rolling on the floor laughing. Did he really just call me "Super Woman," me, when I feel like I am underachieving and sleeping on my potential. Needless to say I needed him to expound on his statement. He says quite clearly, "They can't figure out what to do with you." Of course, at this point I am thinking, "What to do with me? I've got an idea. If I'm so great, why not date me?"

So, I ask my friend, "I am un-date-able because I am super woman?" He goes on to say that in order for him to explain in a way that I can understand he will have to appeal to my ego. Of course I feel a little hurt that he just called me conceited, but I wait for him to say something edifying. He goes on to say that its really all to do with my "super" ness. He says I do a lot of activities, I am a social person, a baby socialite, and that it makes most men insecure. I go on to tell him that actually, I am shy. But he remains adamant that I am a socialite. He says that I get along with all people. Men and women. He says I do a lot of other stuff that he can't remember, but it kicks a$$ and I can keep up with men.

At this point, I can't help but think that most men are lazy when it comes to women. If I am too super to date and intimidating, why don't they get on my level? Why should I feel like I have to condescend in order to get a man? Or pretend, that I am someone I am not? Men don't want to be in competition with their women, or feel emasculated by them, but instead of looking for a woman that is beneath them, why don't they raise the standard for themselves? And another thing, if I am intimidating to guys who I feel are good men, and possibly my equal, then something isn't adding up. Either I am a much better catch then I figure, or I need to raise my standard for the men I get interested in. Well, I personally feel, men need to "Man UP"!

What about you dolls out there, are you too "super" to date? And if so, do you feel like you are lowering your standard so you can be more attainable and not be lonely? For those women who have career goals and reaching for them, do you feel like you're trading marital bliss, to do something meaningful, something that you think you were made to do? Why does it have to be a choice with women, either the love of a man, or a career you love? Why not both?

Spider and the Fly

Growing up my mom had a told us to be wary of flattery. She often told us that men would use flattery to get us to give them something we wouldn't normally divulge. And my mom loves to give stories, or anecdotes to better illustrate what she was trying to say, so it came as no surprise when my mother started to read the poem "The Spider and the Fly," by Mary Howitts. At the tender age of 10, I liked the prose better then the story. But the older I got and the more I dated, the more relevance the story began to have to my life.

There were a few men, that I wouldn't have given a second glance, much less a chance, but they knew how to flatter a person. Of course I would be swayed by their flattery to a certain extent, but my mom didn't raise a fool and being able to talk to her about anything has kept me from a lot of mess. And whenever I would start dating a guy, that she knew I really didn't have an interest in, she would calmly say, "Don't be the little Fly." When she would say this, I would automatically began to examine my reasoning for giving this particular male a chance. And when I would arrive to the conclusion, that it was only due to their flattery of me that allowed them a chance, I would of course back away. I am not weary of flattery, I just know there is a difference between genuine flattery and false praise. More often than not, false praise falls easily and freely from one's lips and is usually a means to an end.

Now I know there are some women who fall prey to the flattery of men. Let the man get too close and then wind up getting hurt. Since it seems that not many young ladies know this tale. I have found it and posted it. I hope you all enjoy it.

The Spider and the Fly
Mary Howitt

Will you walk into my parlour?" said the Spider to the Fly,
'Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy;
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,
And I've a many curious things to shew when you are there."
Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair can ne'er come down again."


"I'm sure you must be weary, dear, with soaring up so high;
Will you rest upon my little bed?" said the Spider to the Fly.
"There are pretty curtains drawn around; the sheets are fine and thin,
And if you like to rest awhile, I'll snugly tuck you in!"
Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "for I've often heard it said,
They never, never wake again, who sleep upon your bed!"


Said the cunning Spider to the Fly, " Dear friend what can I do,
To prove the warm affection I 've always felt for you?
I have within my pantry, good store of all that's nice;
I'm sure you're very welcome -- will you please to take a slice?"
"Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "kind Sir, that cannot be,
I've heard what's in your pantry, and I do not wish to see!"


"Sweet creature!" said the Spider, "you're witty and you're wise,
How handsome are your gauzy wings, how brilliant are your eyes!
I've a little looking-glass upon my parlour shelf,
If you'll step in one moment, dear, you shall behold yourself."
"I thank you, gentle sir," she said, "for what you 're pleased to say,
And bidding you good morning now, I'll call another day."


The Spider turned him round about, and went into his den,
For well he knew the silly Fly would soon come back again:
So he wove a subtle web, in a little corner sly,
And set his table ready, to dine upon the Fly.
Then he came out to his door again, and merrily did sing,
"Come hither, hither, pretty Fly, with the pearl and silver wing;
Your robes are green and purple -- there's a crest upon your head;
Your eyes are like the diamond bright, but mine are dull as lead!"

Alas, alas! how very soon this silly little Fly,
Hearing his wily, flattering words, came slowly flitting by;
With buzzing wings she hung aloft, then near and nearer drew,
Thinking only of her brilliant eyes, and green and purple hue --
Thinking only of her crested head -- poor foolish thing! At last,
Up jumped the cunning Spider, and fiercely held her fast.
He dragged her up his winding stair, into his dismal den,
Within his little parlour -- but she ne'er came out again!


And now dear little children, who may this story read,
To idle, silly flattering words, I pray you ne'er give heed:
Unto an evil counsellor, close heart and ear and eye,
And take a lesson from this tale, of the Spider and the Fly.

The Spider and the Fly
Mary Howitt

Gay Marriages???

In today's society, there has been a a lot of hubbubs about gay marriages. Gay couples are protesting and doing demonstrations at courthouses. Miss California loosing her crown for stating her beliefs. The government is putting bans on it in some states. Others refuse to come to any kind of stand. Well, I have one stand for you guys, I don't think its up to the government.

Marriage is an institution created by God, to exist between a man and a woman. So considering that marriage is considered a religious ceremony that is supposed to take place before the eyes of God, government shouldn't have a say. And for those who live an alternative lifestyle and want to get legally shackled to another person, that's another thing, but it should not be called marriage. In my opinion, this is the perfect time for the government to exercise the Separation of church and state. Man's law should never super cede God's Law.

So, it should also be understood, that you shouldn't expect churches to go against their spiritual beliefs in order to not seem bigoted. I have no problem with gay couples getting legally bound together, just call it something else. Gay couples don't want their rights to be infringed upon, so they shouldn't try to infringe upon other rights to their beliefs. Not everyone who is against gay marriage is a bigot, they should really keep that in mind.


So what do you guys think of the whole gay marriage issue? How do you think, this should be resolved? (This is not for gay bashing) Please give well thought out alternative solutions.

Husband stands by his Desperate Housewife

I am not much of a watcher of "Desperate Housewives," (it's a good show, but since I am a young single black female living in the city, I can't relate to the married 40 something women living in suburbia antics), needless to say I found myself watching an episode this past weekend. In this episode, due to her husband's injury, Lynette was working in his stead at their restaurant. There was a man named Rick working to help out and a flirtation began between the two. I am not sure what lead Lynette to feel so trapped by her suburban life but she takes her time each night to come home to Tom and the kids. Well, when Lynette and Rick get locked into the freezer while being robbed, her husband becomes aware of the flirtation between them, when the police were going through the security cam showing Rick and Lynette eating dinner before the robbers came in. Now there could have been many ways for Tom to have handled this situation, but he handled it the way I feel that a real man would. He kindly invited Rick out to lunch.

At lunch, Tom didn't beat around the bush but got straight to the point, asking if Rick was sleeping with his wife. When Rick denies infidelity, he tells Rick to quit. Of course Rick tells Tom, that if Tom wants to get rid of him, then Tom will have to fire him. Tom promptly replies that he wasn't going to fall for that ploy so Rick can run to Lynette and make it seem like he was the overly jealous husband. Tom then says that he knows that Lynette and he are going through a rough patch but then Rick comes along and now they have the perfect storm. It is what Tom says next that has him permanently endeared to me.

Tom says in the most serious, almost threatening voice, "Let me tell you now, Lynette will never leave her family. The best you can hope for is to catch her in a moment of weakness and leave a wound in our marriage that will take years to heal. But it will heal, because I am going to stand by her and love her as much as she hates herself for what has she done." With this said Rick says that it is time for him to go, and gets up and leave. Later that night, Rick tells Lynette of Tom's suspicions. Lynette gets emotional saying that she enjoyed these evenings with him, cause it allowed her to feel sexy again, but she never intended it to go any further. But now that was all over, so Rick would have to leave.

If you haven't guessed already why I love Tom yet, let me make it plain. Tom is every woman's dream, he is understanding, loving, strong, and he navigated a murky situation that would have left most people lost. He could have approached his wife, but he knew how it would make her feel. Tom understood that approaching his wife would have added more cracks into their already healing family. Tom also knew that his wife loved him, but that she was able to feel desirable again with this man. Tom took it to the man who was trying to encroach onto his territory.

It is very admirable of a man that knows how to handle a situation. What do most women think of this? Doesn't this just make you gush?

Gold Diggers

Everyone knows Kanye West's song "Gold Digger,
"Now I ain't sayin she's a gold digger
But she ain't messin' with no broke nigga"

Now is seems to me that in the Black community in America, black men have a habit of calling black women "Gold Diggers" if they don't want to deal with a broke man. I often wonder why well to do black men look at their sisters as "gold diggers," and marry white women (who could just as easily want them for their money) but see the white women as having standards. STOP

Now are you telling me, its cool for me to deal with you as long as you have nothing, but as soon as you get something I'm a "gold digger" and you're going to date a white woman. STOP

I am not white so I don't know if white men call their women "gold diggers" the way black men do, but if they do, I wonder where do they differentiate between having STANDARDS and plain gold digging. It also seems like more white men are trained to take care of their women and families. STOP

But once again, black men say they don't want a "Gold Digger," but they go out and buy all these things to perpetuate a certain lifestyle. Flaunt any financial stability they have and say "you can't want me for my finances or anything you think I can buy," then turn around and say "look at all these things I can buy you if you were my woman." Now isn't that a contradicting hot mess? PLEASE STOP

Now I have been told by many real men, that any man that won't take care of his wife and family is not man. It should be a matter of pride to be able to provide for any woman that you will make your wife. I personally think that black women have low standards when its to men. Every relationship is based off of give and take, but if you have nothing, it only makes sense for you to get nothing. If you won't deal with a woman that doesn't have anything, why should women deal with you when you have nothing to offer?

So tell black ladies tell me your observation of dating black men, please understand this is not a men bashing thing; just keep it real. Do you think that our standards are low or do we just end up settling for less? Men, what's really going through your head about women seeking financial stability? Do you really think of it as gold diggin' ? Please illuminate...

Spare My Feelings Lies

Last year around this time I thought I was going to start a full blown romance with one of my male friends. But when it came time to make things serious, he says that he doesn't want to risk my friendship, because I was the only one he could talk to about certain things. Upon hearing this, I accepted it without argument, even knowing that our friendship would be strained because I had formed a deeper affection for him than "just friends." Besides the school year was over and I was going home for the summer, and who wants to jumpstart a romance long distance.

The summer ends and it's back to school for me. I had moved out of the college apartments that we both stayed in, but I made an effort to see him. Now the problem starts, before the summer we only talked about our attraction to each other, but on these few occasions that I saw him, he was trying to instigate intimacies, that would definitely cross the friend line. So I put my foot down, if he wanted stay friends then there were some privileges that he is not allowed. So I decided that I should stop making all the effort for us to be friends, if he wanted to see me he would do so. Well guess what? He never tried to see me, and he never called to talk to me. Which as you remember was the reason he did not want to risk our friendship. So of course I was pissed about all this. But in time, I dealt with the pain as much as I could and moved on.

So a few weeks ago he graduated and I went to his graduation knowing that this would be the last time I saw him. It was later that night while holding a conversation about the situation with my older sister, that a new perspective was revealed. You see after the year that passed it still didn't make sense to me, the whole don't risk our friendship line. But fortunately my younger brother who was there at the time was able to shed light on it.

My brother said "wow, I can't believe you even accepted that as a reason in the first place. Men are not afraid to risk friendship or anything for that matter for something they want. Do you actually think you're his only friend that he can talk to? He was just saying no but trying to spare your feelings. He probably just hit a snag." All of this insight into the male psyche comes from my 19 yr old brother.

Now both my sister and I are shocked at the obvious truth to his simple statement, but it sure felt like ripping the band-aid off a still healing wound to me. The reason for that, is because even though he said he didn't want to risk our friendship, I still felt like we would still end up together, and so I was still harboring feelings for him. From my brother's statement, it made it feel like he stopped liking me months ago, but while his white lie allowed him to move on, I was stuck romanticizing it all for months after. I don't know about you but from now on I will have my male friends interpret what men say to me, so I won't be taking their "spare me lies" at face value.

How many of you have been told one thing by a man, but later find out that in "man code" it means something completely different? How did it make you feel about the situation, that person and yourself? And men, why do you feel the need to tell these little white lies to women? What's so hard about saying what you mean and meaning what you say when said to women?

A Man's Potential...

I read somewhere that women often jump into a relationship, or pursue a man based on his potential. His potential to be "THE ONE". Often times, when we even get together in our girl talk groups and we talk about whatever guy we are currently seeing, one most likely will say that, "He is a good man and he has great POTENTIAL, if he would just get his act together." It's a good thing for those that can see a person's potential, but how much should it influence your opinion on a whether he is relationship worthy? When we sit down and think of want we want in a man, do we really diminish the importance of the qualities we find important in a man based on his potential?

Personally I feel as a women it is foolish to pursue a man until his potential is fulfilled. You can see his potential, but don't let that stop you from seeing who he is now. I know somebody's momma told them to "Never count their chickens before the egg hatches", this is a wise saying to apply to men and relationships, because while you are building your dreams of a future with him on his POTENTIAL, what happens if he never reaches it? What happens if his potential is never fulfilled?... Too much? Well let's try another example.


You want your relationship to be healthy, prosperous, and good for you, right? Then look at a man for how good he is for you. If you think of a men as fruit, you wouldn't want him until he was ripe, because you know if picked too soon, it won't taste right and it would have little nourishment to offer you. Therefore you know that an unripe fruit is useless and no good for you. That's how a relationship based on a man's potential would be, NO GOOD FOR YOU.

I know some women might think, "I can help him REALIZE HIS POTENTIAL," as if they can mold this man into the man of their DREAMS. That's a BIG MISTAKE. The very most important reason why is, while you're focusing on him and his potential, what happens to yours? Where are your dreams for yourself, your career, for the wonderful woman of GOD that you dream of yourself becoming someday? A woman that exemplifies everything you think a woman should in today's society?

Unknowingly you have laid your potential aside, saying that it's more important to have a man with POTENTIAL than it is to fulfill your own. As if some ARCHAIC natural instinct inside us, tells us that as women all we need is a Man to survive. And secondly, what if you help this man to fulfill his potential, he exemplifies everything you want in a man, and he realizes that HE DOESN'T WANT YOU or that he has OUTGROWN you? Because while you were NURTURING him and helping him grow, you have remained STAGNANT, because you have not grown yourself. So ladies, I encourage you to remain strong, and not build your castles in the sky based on a man's potential. I won't tell you to wait for him to fulfill his potential. I say live your life. Focus on you. And though you may see a man's potential, if you take a look at him for as is now and you find him lacking, then don't pursue a relationship with him. If you want to wait then that's your choice. But remember unless he reaches his potential and it's fulfilled, a man's potential will remain just that.... A Man's Potential.