Can we be friends...after I used you?

"Can we be friends?" It's possibly the most popular line for break ups, when the person saying it no longer wants you, but they are selfish so they want to keep you on the shelf in case they don't find something better. But today while talking to my sister, another way that line is used was brought to mind. I was talking to my sister and for whatever reasons we drifted down memory lane of how a man in our past used us and now wanted to be friends with us. To tell the story would be very short, it was a while back. I liked a boy, I thought he liked me. I was a cut buddy but thought it was going towards more. But then he says he isn't ready for a relationship. He goes home for the summer and comes back to school in a relationship that fall with a girl that attends the same university as us. I proceed to cut off all contact, which was kind of hard since we were in a constitutionally bounded Sorority and fraternity. So every fraternity event I went to, the chances of running into him were high. But I managed.

But I guess me snubbing him in person, and deleting him from all contact lists (Facebook, Myspace, Tagged, Yim) wasn't enough. Time goes by, I move on. I log onto FB one day to see a friend request from him. I denied it without a second thought and went on with my day. Some time after that I receive an email from him on FB, asking me if I was still mad at him, apologizing and asking if we could be friends. I was a little pissed at how his tone in the email made it seem like I was being childish for not wanting to be his friend after he used me. I really couldn't believe the conceit. Like I was still going to bed at night sticking pins into a voodoo doll with his hair glued to the top. I just wanted to laugh. I didn't want to reply, but I had to set the record straight. I calmly let him know that I could never see him as my friend, because if he was "my friend" he wouldn't have used me in the first place. And that I forgave him a long time ago and that he would have to deal with his own guilt of how he treats his "friends" but unfortunately he had burnt that bridge with me.

My sister and I laughed at the gall of how he could expect me to be his friend after he used me. I admit I was silly and naive; and I laugh at myself for my folly of even dealing with him in the first place. But I have learned my lesson and moved on. However it still baffles me on how anyone can expect a person to let you be in any part of their life after you have used them. After they have already shown an uncaring for how you feel. It's like, let me treat you anyway I want, then get over it and continue to give me what I want. How selfish.

I know its a common thing. There's a ripple effect. A person with no honor, having less than honorable intentions let a naive person think that they will give them what they want, at least until that person with no honor gets what they want. It's the actions like these that makes every person after them pay. Men not trusting women, because their girl cheated. Women not trusting men, because they were used by someone they like. So neither person ever knows if the person that holds their interest is genuine or just pretending. And its so hard to tell the counterfeit from the real thing sometimes. So we play games, and test each other to try and find out if this person is real or if we on our way to getting played. It makes us meaner, jaded. And sometimes we push the real thing away in the process. So how can a person expect me to want to be their friend after they have caused the ripple effect. I am not saying that I punish every guy for his deeds, but it has made me more caution. Only a fool would keep doing the same thing expecting different results and my mother didn't raise a fool.

So what about you? Would you be friends with a person who used you, even if you forgave them? How would you handle a situation like this?

This made me think of a Music Video by Gnarls Barkley that I like a lot. It's called "Who's Gonna Save My Soul Now." My situation was not like the one in the video but I can under the sentiment. Enjoy