I don't usually place too much importance on the dreams I have in sleep. The reason being that I am a lucid dreamer, I am always aware that I am dreaming. Even as a child, whenever monsters would invade my dreams, I would simply change the channel. As I got older changing the channel from one unpleasant dream to a more pleasant one became lame and I would often be a one woman army in whatever monster dream my brain kicked up. The ironic part is that my dreams are so vivid and realistic that I even feel pain, yet I am always aware of it not being real. When some odd occurrence keeps happening in various dreams, I get curious as to what that one thing could mean.
Last week, I had a dream. It would have been a nightmare, if I wasn't aware of my dreaming state. In my dream, I am held captive by a monster. I am waiting for my husband to come get me. I can't say rescue me because I am always the baddest b in dream land. But yet I wait for my husband to appear. Now for me the unpleasant part starts when my husband shows up and he looks like my ex. I remember thinking at this point "God, Why are you in my dream?" I don't wake myself up or change the channel just out of curiosity. So I am escaping with my husband that looks like my ex all while being very careful not to hurt myself. Which is very odd, because I am usually such a bad ass. So in our escape from the demon's lair. We reach a point where I must jump down to get away then my ex beside me tells me to jump quickly. Then my dream self stares at my husband/ex. While he urges me to make a jump that wouldn't hurt me anyway but his lack of care strikes a nerves. Then I say quite clearly, "You are not my husband." At this point he looks at me and says, "Yes I am. Now hurry and jump before the demon finds out you're missing." I don't move, and respond, "No, you're not. How could you be my husband when you have no concern for the wife that has been threatening a miscarriage." My ex doesn't respond, but he smiles. Smiles right before turning into the demon that captured me. The rest of the dream is of this demon trying to catch me.
When I told my sister of this dream, she thought it was scary as hell. She really does think of my ex as a monster that was out to destroy me. She always brings up the fact that immediately after breaking up with my ex, my life got way better. Job offers in my career. Making more money. It's very clear that if the sky should fall and I completely forget all the wisdom I have gained, my sister will be the loudest voice in reminding of all the good reasons my life is better without my ex. I was shocked that she would think of my dream as so scary when I definitely didn't. Something in the dream made me a bit curious though. There was one aspect in my dream that was present in others before while I was still dating my ex. That aspect is miscarriage.
In other dreams, I would wake up in a bed with my ex laying next to me from severe cramps and blood in between my legs with a deep sense of loss. In my last dream, I didn't have a miscarriage but I was fighting against the demon to keep my pregnancy and right before waking I was carrying my baby on my back while escaping with my real husband. It was this aspect of miscarriage that had me looking up the meaning of miscarriage in dreams. After looking it up, I now know why my dream was so horrifying to my sister.
If pregnancy in dreams represents creativity, what does a miscarriage mean? I looked it up, miscarriage in dreams is the loss of something precious like a relationship, opportunity or a creative idea that never reached fruition. This specifically applies to me, because anyone that knows me will say I am a very creative person but for the last few years what have I actually created. What had I accomplished towards my career while I was so focused on being with my ex? The answer is nothing. I didn't start to put all my energy into my dreams until after "I got rid of the parasite that was sucking the life out of me" as my lovely sister would say.
So I plan to protect my dreams like a mother protecting her child. Passionately and tirelessly from those that would make me lose them. I am not so young that I can afford to miscarry any more dreams.