An Unusual Hindsight

This is an usual topic. We all accept things about a person after we have taken off the rose colored glasses.  But some of the things we start to accept after it’s over can be scary and alarming.  We look back at them, then look at ourselves and think, “Was I really that stupid?” And the sad part is that the answer is often “yes.”  A few days ago while helping a friend out by giving a massage, I was asked if I had ever given my ex one (according to him I should be charging).  When I replied “No.” I was asked “Why not?”

There were a lot of things I wanted to do that I didn’t do with my ex.  The reasons behind me not doing could be any number of things. But that was not the focus of this conversation with my friend. It was not even a few minutes later that he asked a question, that I now realized he had asked me before.  The question rephrased this time was, “How shocked would you be to discover that your ex was sleeping with men?”

I replied right then and there that I would have been very shocked. It was impossible that my ex was gay.  When I got alone and thought about all the other questions this same friend had asked. I realized that each time I thought better of my ex, it turned out I was wrong.  He asked me if I thought my ex was thinking about proposing, I said “yes.” I was wrong. He asked if it was possible that my ex was cheating, I said “no.” I was wrong. There were plenty of other questions too and I was wrong then as well.  So when I got alone and thought about it. I had to admit that I wanted to judge everyone by a better standard than is realistic. The fact that this friend has met my ex and asked this same question before I have to think it’s possible he saw things that I didn’t want to examine.  He definitely called the cheating.

After careful consideration, I have come to the conclusion that it is possible.  I am done thinking the best of people when they have proven otherwise. It’s time I label their box correctly. So yes, hindsight now says that all the bad and inconceivable things I refused to consider before are now possible.