Unmarried with Kids

Let me just give you a bit of how this subject came up for me. It wasn't a profound conversation that I had with a colleague or friend. But from thinking of someone I haven't spoken to in a while. It seems the older I get, more and more of my friends are starting to have kids. One of my best friends just had a beautiful bundle of joy, and as I was about to call her to check up on my God-daughter, I started to think about another one of my friends I hadn't spoken to in a while, Tiny. I was thinking about sending her a text saying, "I am still waiting on my wedding invitation." This being an on-going joke between her and myself since she first told me, that she and her fiancée were trying to have a child but were not going to get married first. Being the old-fashioned girl that I am, I had deep reservations, told her so and started joking about having a shot gun wedding. This being my second friend who decided to have kids now and get married later, I was noticing a trend. A trend that, I for one am sorry to see, is catching. There are plenty of people that don't believe in marriage, but still want to have kids. Or the women who just can't wait for marriage to have kids. Or the couples that put off marriage until after the kids. I really just don't understand.

When I think about the reservations a person may have about marriage, I wonder how is it that they can get pass that fear and have kids. It's still a lifelong commitment. You're still going to have to deal with the mother/father of your child. So how is marriage more of a commitment than bringing another life into this world that will need to be nurtured? I'm just saying. It doesn't add up to me. Maybe because I am a woman. And as one, I feel that a woman is honored when she becomes a man's wife. It's a title that men will not give to just anyone. It's like men are saying "You are my treasure, and I want to keep you for myself," when they ask a woman to be their wife. I can understand why a man would not want to get married but still have kids, I just don't understand how a woman can do that. It's like my mom says (and probably every other mother), "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"

This question leads me into my wonder at why an engaged couple would choose to have a child first before marriage. I have been told that its because there is no money. Last time I check the cost of raising a child is up to millions of dollars. Where as a courthouse wedding is only the cost of the marriage licence, which is hardly breaking the bank. It costs more in this economy to fill up your tank with gas. So if you're putting off getting married until you can save up for your dream wedding, it will probably take longer than you expect because like I said earlier, babies aren't cheap. In fact, I have a new logo on that. BBB Babies Break the Bank.

I wonder how many other couples out there are deciding to become parents first and married later. What reasons are they giving themselves that make this the better solution? Why is raising kids less scary than saying "I do."? Is it selfishness or insightful? And if you think it's better to raise kids out of wedlock, do you believe in God? Not trying to condemn anyone's lifestyle choices, but where is the accountability? I can trust you to be a good father of my child but I can't trust you as a husband.