A Second Chance for Wild Chives and Soy Bean Soup

I started this show without having much expectation, but since I liked Nam Goong Min from "Can you Hear my heart?", I looked for another show with him in it. I didn't hear anything about this show prior so I don't know the expectations local viewers had when it first started to broadcast. I started to watch this show out of curiosity, but around 5 episodes in I got curious again. I was watching on Viki, and looked at the episode thumbnails to see at which point the adults came in. When I saw that 12 episodes of 26 were devoted to the young actors, my feelings started to sink. I have my B.A. in TV and Film Production and worked on a few minor projects to date, so you will understand that I started to watch with a more critical mind at this point. I watched and knew by episode 20 that this show was cancelled. There was too much introduced in the yester-years not to even mention what was added in the current timeline to be fully addressed in the final 6 episodes. Even knowing this, I still watched this show entirely. So it goes without saying that I LOVED this show up to the magic wand ending.

Even watching with a critical mind, I could not help but love this story and was very pained at the way the show ended. I know things like this is beyond production control but I wonder what was on tv that competed with this story line so solidly that this show had poor ratings. Despite the cultural differences, I felt the story and I was genuinely interested in everyone's story. I binge watch a lot of shows when I have mini vacations and I have gotten very good at skipping parts of shows that hold no interest for me, like entire side family drama and sub plots. So for this show to have me interested in what happened to everyone shows the solid writing and how amazing the acting was for both the young and adult cast.

I have read the comments on the adult actors' chemistry and I have to disagree. The adults were not playing two young people that are meeting for the first time without any baggage. This was a woman meeting the man she loved and was disillusioned by later in life; and a man meeting a woman that interests him for the first time since his first love disappeared on him during tragic circumstances. Maybe the viewers wanted more pettiness and fighting. I thought Guk running down several flights of stairs just to stomp on Jun-su foot then to rush on to the elevator was very cute and endearing. I know sometimes viewers want a lot more eye candy than the writer of the story intends and they lose interest when the writer stays true to their story. The writer wrote a saga that needed time to be unraveled. I only wish the viewers would have seen this gem for what it is.

Words can't express my disappointment at not seeing how the story was going to play out for all the characters. I know there were comments about adult ham-cho being so plain and hun being annoying. Well that's who the writer wrote them as. Ham-cho was supposed to be plain, shy and somber, but I still felt her warmth. Saw her light up around hun, felt her love of cooking. Hun was an immature skirt chasing rich boy (that's a bit close to the male archetype in a lot of k drama), yet you clearly saw his dependence on Ham-Cho.

There was much I wanted to see play out. I wanted to see devastatingly gorgeous Young-hee forgive her husband (I really can't believe how gorgeous this actress is). I am a forgiving woman, but I know that forgiving a person does not mean that you have to be with that person.  I wanted to see how the writer was going to give Young-hee the closure she needed. If the writer wanted them to get back together, I wanted see how the writer was going to make me understand that reconciliation. How was the writer going to make horrible, hateful Da-hae forgive her horrible, spineless and shameless father. I could see the possibility of her half brother getting hurt and she helps him, healing the hurt.

I wanted to see Da-hae's comeuppance. I wanted to see the revelation of her role in Guk's accident and the epic falling out between Jun-su. I loved seeing Jun-su being forth coming about his feelings for Dal-Lae and I wanted to see him try to reconcile his friendship with Da-Hae as he pursued Dal-lae. I wanted the epic throw down between Da-hae and Guk. I wanted to see the younger brother grow up and stop liking her, though I doubt the writer would give that to me, but I was ok with him softening Da-hae and making her fall for him.

I wanted see what happened when Su-han is revealed as Jung-han's son. That juicy tidbit was just too good that it really needed to play out. I suspect that Su-han already knows about the real relation between him and his "brother," but I wanted to see jung-han's prideful wife to find out and have to deal with it. I wanted to see her really fall into reality and acceptance.

I wanted to see how Ham-cho was going to make Hun want her, not take her for granted and become her whipping boy. I wanted to see Go-sun, Da-lae's mom, continue to refuse ham-cho for not being good enough for her son. Then get slapped in the face by being told, preferably by Dal-lae, how could she look down on someone's precious daughter when she knows how it felt to have her daughter looked down on. I wanted to see her part in Guk and Jun-su's separation come out.  I wanted to see how all this helped to make the mothers reconcile their differences.

I wanted to see sexy Su-han begin to look for love if not find it on the show. I wanted to see how Su-han was going to inspire Mu-hui to get serious about school and her future. I wanted to see Go-Sun, meet Se-min the con artist again. I wanted to see how they became friends or lovers. I wanted to see Jolie's husband show up from the states to bring his wife back home after all was said and done.

I wanted to see how the writer wanted the revelation about Dal-lae to really unfold. I liked how it happened in this one as well, which shows how good a writer this show had, but I don't think the writer had this intention. I enjoyed trying to figure out how the writer was going to do the big reveal. I wanted to see how Dal-Lae and Jun-su made up. I enjoyed the sexy jang woo, who I suspected was supposed to play a role in revealing Da-hae's hand in the accident. We deserved some gratuitous shirtless scenes of him and jun-su to soften the blow of the magic wand ending.  I am not surprised this show got cancelled, it was too good and too much a reflection of real life. Sometime the world is just not ready. I would love if the writer wrote this as a book so I can know how this story really was supposed to go. Then hopefully the story can get a second chance and the viewers can as well. 

It's been more than a year...

So why the hell is my ex still showing up in my dreams? Still don't understand, how a person that I have lost all desire to be with can still continue to invade my dreams. Just like I deleted all physical evidence of his presence ever being in life, why can't my brain do the same as well? I have moved on, he is never in my conscious thoughts, so why in my dreams. I sure some psychoanalyst will go on about some lingering desires that I have yet to address. But I can assure you, the only slight lingering desires I have towards him is how to get my expensive gifts to him back. That is all.

My Vision Inside His Vision

I was out to eat with some of my sister's friends. There were married couples with single ladies so it's not surprising when the "how to's" for "I Do" came up.  I can't recall the guy's name but when asked how do you find a man to marry, he said something so profound that it stayed with me since. He said that your vision for your life should fit inside of his vision for his life, because you have to submit to him. When he said this it clicked a lot of things together for me and made more sense of why my last relationship failed.  This man explained that it would be impossible for you to go forward together as a couple when your dreams are greater than his dreams.  Either you will end up emasculating him throughout your relationship or you will start to hold yourself back from your dreams so as not to outgrow the man you want to be with.

When he said this, I started to see myself with my ex. Continually trying to push him towards bigger dreams while stinting my own growth. So our relationship was doomed even before infidelity was revealed. I wish I had known this from the beginning. But God has a way of teaching you the things you don't know in order to prepare you. So, I do believe I am still being prepared. For what I don't know. I just know I will keep focusing on my dreams and one day God will send me a man that my dreams can fit inside of. Because I am learning daily that it takes much more than feelings and desire to have a successful relationship.

A conversation after Breaking Up

"I didn't throw him away."

"What did you do then?"

"I broke up with him."

"So you dumped him?”

“Yes”

“Where did you dump him?"

"…In the trash."

"So you threw him away."

"Yes, I guess you can say that."

"I don't fault you for throwing him away, he showed himself to be trash. But why don't you want to accept that you're the one that threw him away?"

"Because if I threw him away, why do I feel so worthless?"

"Two reasons, you're very good at dogging yourself out and because you have real feelings for him."

I Miscarried a Dream

I don't usually place too much importance on the dreams I have in sleep. The reason being that I am a lucid dreamer, I am always aware that I am dreaming. Even as a child, whenever monsters would invade my dreams, I would simply change the channel. As I got older changing the channel from one unpleasant dream to a more pleasant one became lame and I would often be a one woman army in whatever monster dream my brain kicked up. The ironic part is that my dreams are so vivid and realistic that I even feel pain, yet I am always aware of it not being real. When some odd occurrence keeps happening in various dreams, I get curious as to what that one thing could mean.

Last week, I had a dream. It would have been a nightmare, if I wasn't aware of my dreaming state. In my dream, I am held captive by a monster. I am waiting for my husband to come get me. I can't say rescue me because I am always the baddest b in dream land. But yet I wait for my husband to appear. Now for me the unpleasant part starts when my husband shows up and he looks like my ex. I remember thinking at this point "God, Why are you in my dream?" I don't wake myself up or change the channel just out of curiosity. So I am escaping with my husband that looks like my ex all while being very careful not to hurt myself. Which is very odd, because I am usually such a bad ass. So in our escape from the demon's lair. We reach a point where I must jump down to get away then my ex beside me tells me to jump quickly. Then my dream self stares at my husband/ex. While he urges me to make a jump that wouldn't hurt me anyway but his lack of care strikes a nerves. Then I say quite clearly, "You are not my husband." At this point he looks at me and says, "Yes I am. Now hurry and jump before the demon finds out you're missing." I don't move, and respond, "No, you're not. How could you be my husband when you have no concern for the wife that has been threatening a miscarriage."  My ex doesn't respond, but he smiles. Smiles right before turning into the demon that captured me. The rest of the dream is of this demon trying to catch me.

When I told my sister of this dream, she thought it was scary as hell. She really does think of my ex as a monster that was out to destroy me. She always brings up the fact that immediately after breaking up with my ex, my life got way better. Job offers in my career. Making more money. It's very clear that if the sky should fall and I completely forget all the wisdom I have gained, my sister will be the loudest voice in reminding of all the good reasons my life is better without my ex. I was shocked that she would think of my dream as so scary when I definitely didn't.  Something in the dream made me a bit curious though. There was one aspect in my dream that was present in others before while I was still dating my ex. That aspect is miscarriage.

In other dreams, I would wake up in a bed with my ex laying next to me from severe cramps and blood in between my legs with a deep sense of loss. In my last dream, I didn't have a miscarriage but I was fighting against the demon to keep my pregnancy and right before waking I was carrying my baby on my back while escaping with my real husband. It was this aspect of miscarriage that had me looking up the meaning of miscarriage in dreams. After looking it up, I now know why my dream was so horrifying to my sister.

If pregnancy in dreams represents creativity, what does a miscarriage mean? I looked it up, miscarriage in dreams is the loss of something precious like a relationship, opportunity or a creative idea that never reached fruition. This specifically applies to me, because anyone that knows me will say I am a very creative person but for the last few years what have I actually created. What had I accomplished towards my career while I was so focused on being with my ex? The answer is nothing. I didn't start to put all my energy into my dreams until after "I got rid of the parasite that was sucking the life out of me" as my lovely sister would say.

So I plan to protect my dreams like a mother protecting her child. Passionately and tirelessly from those that would make me lose them. I am not so young that I can afford to miscarry any  more dreams.

Response to online Soapbox Preachers

It's been awhile and I have been sporadic with my blogs. I apologize especially since my New Years Resolution was to write everyday. I have been writing and I have a few projects that I am working on that make it hard for me to keep up with the blog. Plus I don't won't all the drama of the work place to find it's way on here. That would not be very good.

This morning while checking Facebook, I see an acquaintance's status that is practically a dissertation on how women should be treating their men. This wouldn't really annoy me if this was not a constant theme of his. I almost got real ugly and post a comment asking, "If you're so great and you know how to treat a woman, why are you still single?" I admit there were a few statuses in the past that I was ok with, but now this seems like a bitter man that can't find a woman that will treat him the way he feels he deserves. And out of his bitterness, he feels it's necessary to get on his online soapbox and preach about how women aren't doing their part and need to do this or that. This pisses me off.

I hate the fact that everything he says targets women directly, and it would come off edifying if there weren't so many quips at women. Anyone who reads my blog, can tell I recently ended serious relationship. Rather than focusing on what my ex did wrong, I examined my faults because I was also accountable. I didn't stand my ground when I should have, I didn't leave when the signs said it clearly to everyone else that I should. I explained how his actions changed me and helped me grow. I didn't get on my soapbox and start telling men what they are doing wrong and how they really need to treat the women they say they love. I really don't care about wrongdoings to that extent.

I feel when people address the root of their problems, the way they treat others, especially their love ones, will be corrected.  It's a personal journey I had to take myself, so why would I tell people about their wrong decisions and try to correct their behavior through nagging. We all know nagging accomplishes nothing.  It doesn't even work on children. So why would nagging work on adults.  The only animal that you can train is a dog. You can show a dog what to do.  Then with words and reinforcement, they are trained to respond just to a word, phrase or tone.  Humans don't work that way. Humans can clearly know something is wrong and still do it. So knowing something is wrong changes nothing in people's behavior. Humans must see the fault, examine it and understand its origin before they can change.  

Is the Gay Rights movement leading to Religious Persecution?

I had to think about this for such a long time before actually sitting here and writing this. I would be wrong if I didn’t say there was a little fear of the public reaction to it, but I have some thoughts that I really need to share and also get some real feed back on. This is the internet so I am sure there will be ignorance and hate that will be started because of this, but this is obviously something that needs to be thought about.  In recent years, there has been a lot of debate on legalizing gay marriage. In more recent news the CEO of a well known Christian restaurant chain was asked his opinion on Gay marriage.  The public’s reaction to the obvious answer has raised more questions to a national dilemma.  Where is this leading our society?  Could religious persecution be next?

I have read the reasons behind the Gay Rights movement. As an American citizen I do understand the appearance of their rights being infringed upon.  I read about wills being discarded, custody being taken away, the health insurance and many others. But reading the poignant stories, I ask how are these situations unique to the Gay community?

Everyone knows about the dispute between Anna Nicole Smith and her step son, over her husband’s will. The custody battles over a deceased partner’s kids with their family is nothing new either.  No matter who you are, most people feel more comfortable when their blood is being raised by blood (we have all heard the scary step-parent stories). There have even been times when family has interceded to take custody away from biological parents when the parents are seen as unfit.  So on these stories, I don’t see anything particularly unique. It’s just one American using his right to question another American’s right to an estate or custody of their sister’s kids.  On the health insurance thing, now that is something that is unique.  I don’t understand why you can’t add whoever you want to an insurance you are PAYING for.  As a consumer in a Capitalist society, this really doesn’t make sense, even without bringing gay rights into it.

Now let’s look at the opposition.  What are all these bible thumpers against? As a Christian myself, I have been very confused on the gay rights issue.  I do not like the unfairness that homosexual people have to face, but I also do not agree with the lifestyle or the tactics that are being used either.  I feel like this is a pill that I am being forced to swallow.  Why is it ok for people to flaunt in my face something that I think is wrong, but I am not able to say that I think it is wrong? 

The only things I can’t have an opinion about are the things that I don’t know about.  My mom raised me a certain way. I know that if I do something that she does not agree with, once she knows about it, she will tell me her opinion.  That also means that things that I don’t want her opinion on, I keep from her knowledge.  It’s the same for almost every one I know and have met. As soon as they see something they don’t agree with, you know it. Smoking is wrong. Drinking is wrong. Sex before marriage is wrong. Wearing fur is wrong. Homosexuality is wrong. Abortion is wrong.

However I am starting to see a train of thought that is tainting everyone’s actions and reactions.  “Drinking is wrong. John drinks. Therefore John is bad.”  The thought that people are judging them when they are told something they are doing is wrong, makes it obvious that if you don’t want to seem judgmental, keep your opinion to yourself. Honestly speaking, for the most part, that is true.  No one is perfect but we like to weigh our wrongness against the wrongness of others. It makes us feel better about ourselves.  I may be “this”, but at least I’m not “that”.  Unfortunately, it’s the imperfect “Christians” that are the loudest to point out someone else’s wrong.  The saddest thing is that they are less forgiving of gay people than they are of murderers, thieves, prostitutes and gangsters.

I have to admit that before I read on the Gay rights movement, I was taking a rigid standpoint. I saw only the fact that all the flamboyant people want to force me to accept something as right that my religious beliefs say is wrong.  The tactics of the Gay rights movement had me on the defensive.  Like I had to not only protect my beliefs, I had to assert them.  In spite of the fact that I have associates and people that I highly respect that are gay, I was rigid about it.  Never had a discussion with them about it because I know we would disagree and I didn’t want heated words to ruin those relationships. Fortunately these people were discreet about it. I know they are gay and they know I know.  It’s not to the point of cross dressing. It never becomes a point of discussion, because their discretion makes it obvious that I am not privy to their personal business.  I respect them more for that because I feel their respect for me.

However not everyone is as respectful of other’s decisions and opinions. So with the Gay Right movement in full swing, does anyone else feel that America is only a few Radicals away from religious persecution?